No matter how happy a couple may be, conflict is sure to surface at some point. Disagreements are natural parts of healthy relationships. The key is learning how to move past conflict and strengthen your relationship in the process.

如果你正在寻找关于如何更好地commun的技巧icate with your partner, this article is for you. Keep reading to learn what you can do when you’re just not seeing eye to eye.

Why is healthy communication important, anyway?

Effective communication is one of the most important components of a healthy and happy relationship. According to a2021 study, couples who experience “less negative communication than usual” are also more satisfied with their relationship. Researchers found that the quality of a couple's communication today can accurately predict how happy they will be together in the future – meaning that engaging in healthy communication now can pay off down the road.

When you and your partner are struggling to see eye to eye, it’s important to remember that the goal isn’t necessarily to have a “winner” or “loser.” The goal is to understand each other, compromise when necessary, and find a resolution that works for both of you.

This is where personality comes in. All of us respond to conflict differently, and knowing how to adapt your style to that of your partner can go a long way.

What follows are some specific tips you can use to meet your partner where they are at and find common ground, according to their personality type. But before we get into that, there are some basic skills that you have to bring to the table as well. The following seven tips will help you communicate with your partner more effectively no matter what the situation is.

1. Use your words

You may think that emotional cues like your body language or tone of voice say all that needs to be said, but your partner may be genuinely clueless. Instead of leaving them to guess, use clear language and provide concrete details about what you need from them. By choosing to be the most straightforward possible, they might understand you better and attend to your requests.

2. Use ‘I’ statements

Using ‘I’ statements frames your message around how you feel, instead of pointing the finger of blame at the other person. This approach can resonate with your partner because you’re stepping away from accusations like ‘You always…’ which usually lead nowhere and can make them get defensive. They are more likely to understand your point of view when you state how you feel with honesty and respect.

3. Practice active listening

Healthy communication requires you to truly listen to your partner, not just wait for them to finish talking to respond. Active listening is about paying attention to all the nuances of a conversation, so you can better understand the message the other person is trying to convey and respond in a way that calms, not ignites, the flames of conflict.

4. Ask, don’t complain

A destructive behavior most couples can recognize is the tendency to complain instead of telling your partner what you need from them. I get it. Asking for what you want isn’t always easy, but you can’t expect your partner to read your mind. Complaints like “You never help me around the house,” can usually be translated into “Can you help me with the dishes after dinner?”

5. Strive for compromise

Agreeing to disagree doesn’t look the same for everybody, but it’s usually better to strive for compromise than try to “win” the argument. If someone wins then the other person loses and they get hurt. As a couple, you didn’t really win anything.

Think of compromise as finding a solution that works for both you and your partner. You may revise it long-term, or decide on something else later on. But for the time being, seek a solution that satisfies both of you.

6. Avoid getting overly defensive

Criticism is usually hard to hear, especially when you’re arguing with someone you love and care about. Still, it’s important not to get overly defensive during a heated conversation. Try to listen to what your partner has to say and respond to criticism with empathy and understanding. The truth is, when you try to see the other side, you can also better explain your own.

7. Take a time-out

If you sense things got out of hand and the conversation is no longer productive, take a time-out. Sometimes, a short break is important to help you both gain perspective. Schedule another time to resolve the issue when both of you feel calmer.

How to communicate through conflict by personality type

With those foundations in place, let's look at some specific tips you can use to better communicate with your partner according to their personality type. You can also learn more about personality compatibility and explore ourrelationship and love quizzes here.

If your partner is a Responder (ESFP, ESTP, ISTP, ISFP)

• Be very specific and literal about your concerns ("I felt hurt when you did X because..."), instead of making generalizations.
• Avoid getting too emotional.
• Stay objective-focused; your partner will be looking for practical solutions.
• Agree on an action plan so the conflict has a tangible outcome.

If your partner is a Preserver (ESTJ, ISTJ, ESFJ, ISFJ)

• Put your present struggles in context with past situations and experiences ("I recall when I felt the same way before, and this is what worked for us then...").
• Stick to this conflict without getting sidetracked; don't beat around the bush.
• Be sincere in your willingness to restore harmony.
• Allow them to provide details without interrupting or rebutting.

If your partner is a Theorist (INTJ, INTP, ENTJ, ENTP)

• Give logical arguments, not feelings and opinions.
• Tackle the conflict as a problem to be solved.
• Don't play games or cause drama.
• If it's your fault, say sorry. If it's their fault, show them what they did wrong – and let that be the end of it (Theorists are not afraid of mistakes).

If your partner is an Empath (ENFJ, ENFP, INFJ, INFP)

• Sandwich your criticism between positive statements ("I appreciate what you did, but I'm still concerned...").
• Show that you have considered their feelings by being patient and sensitive.
• Don't be overly direct; this type is very feeling-oriented.
• Make sure you've discussed everything, accepted all the consequences, and there is no better way.

The bottom line

If you want to improve your communication game, try to understand where your partner is coming from. It may seem difficult when you’re in the middle of a fight, but remember that each type in theMyers and Briggs personality spectrum, sees the world in a particular way that influences how they think and express themselves. If you learn to adapt to your partner’s communication style, you can minimize misunderstandings and be better equipped todeal with conflictin the future. Good luck!