New Research Shows There Are Seven Love Languages, Not Five

Truity’s original research with over 500,000 volunteers drives the creation of a new 7 Love Styles test, showing how we give and receive love in modern relationships

Think of a time when someone made you feel really loved. What did they do? Was it an amazingly personalized compliment? A sympathetic ear when you were going through a rough patch? Or maybe just a perfectly hot cup of coffee in bed?

Thanks to the work of marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman, author ofThe 5 Love Languages,我们大多数人明白这些行为devotion is an expression of our unique love language, Chapman’s name for the unique ways we express love to each other—and seek to be loved.

Dr. Chapman’s original theory was borne out of his work with married Christian couples in the 1980’s and formalized in his 1992 book. Chapman’s work changed the way we think about relationships and has become part of the language that couples and counselors depend on to talk about relationship dynamics. But the theory is also the product of a very different time, and a very limited and homogenous sample.

爱语言的概念会看起来相同吗?如果它包括非更加严重或未婚夫妻,或来自美国以外的国家的夫妇?Trigity的团队出发bob下载了解。

bob下载电影调查超过500,000人,所有年龄段和世界各地,看看是什么让他们感到最受欢迎。结果表明,虽然关于表达爱情的一些想法已经保持不变,但其他人已经在查普曼原始理论的发展之后的四十年中大幅转移。

“We suspected that updated research across a more diverse sample might yield results that were more applicable and helpful for modern couples,” said Truity’s founder and CEO Molly Owens, who led the study. “In our research, we saw clearly that what people value most is a partner who listens to them, values their opinions and feelings and provides them with empathy and respect. These factors weren’t adequately addressed in the original 5 Love Languages—possibly because our expectations of relationships have simply shifted with the times.”

Truity’s research showed that in modern relationships, there was a new emphasis on deeper intellectual and emotional connections among many. We developed the new7 Love Styles testto reflect these new languages and provide guidance on how to use them for more satisfying connections.

“看到Truity扩大原来bob下载的工作to keep up with the many ways that relationships have changed over the last 30 years is encouraging,” said Dr. Pauline Yeghnazar Peck, PhD and licensed psychologist and marriage and family therapist who works with couple clients. “Working with lots of folks on the LGBTIQIA+ continuum, I often have to adjust my language and the context of the Love Languages to fit couple's diverse identities and needs. An update to the Love Languages is so important and timely as it can help couples find a more inclusive framework for connection and support — things everyone is desperately needing in these times.”

Chapman’s Five Languages of Love

查普曼博士奥林匹克广播服务公司erved that there was often a disconnect between what spouses did to show love, and how their partners received those actions. What one person thought was a display of love could fall totally flat for a spouse who “spoke” a different love language. He identified five love languages, which he explained in depth in order to help couples better understand each others’ needs.

The original love language types laid out by Chapman are:

  • 肯定的话语
  • Physical touch
  • Receiving gifts
  • 服务行为,和
  • Quality time

Each love language entails a very different expression of love and devotion, and problems arise when one half of a couple expresses love in a way that falls flat for their partner. A person who prefers Physical Touch may offer a hug to a partner in distress, while their Acts-of-Service focused sweetie just wants them to wash the dishes.

While it might be tempting to interpret love languages as a compatibility issue, rarely do couples speak the same love language—even happy ones. The key to working successfully with differences in love languages is learning to understand and speak your partner’s.

“In my counseling and coaching practices, the Love Language framework has been helpful for clients to develop their listening skills and help them come back to the most important aspects of their love and life together," saidChrista Hardin (MA), who has worked for close to two decades as a relationship coach and counselor.“有另一种工具更令人兴奋,更好地反映了不同现代夫妻的需求和风格 - 它可以用来帮助他们加深并在一起发展他们的关系。”

It is important to note that previous research into the love languages shows that the theory is not a cure-all. As with all things in relationships, the key is putting in the time and effort:a 2020 research surveyshowed that people who reported that their partners used their love language well had stronger feelings of love and relationship satisfaction than others.

Truity’s Seven Love Languages

The modern landscape of love is complex, and what people need from their partners to feel happy and secure has evolved as our societies have evolved. As gender norms flex, career opportunities for women open and the dual-earner household has become the norm, the expectations we have for our romantic relationships have become very different.

As psychologistEli Finkel已经指出,“婚姻已经发展,从基于高效分工的基本劳动力的主要伙伴关系,到我们希望帮助我们实现最佳自我的精神和个人联系。”

For heterosexual couples, in particular, the division of labor across gender lines is no longer neatly circumscribed, leading to an expansion of what we expect from our partners. Of note in Chapman’s book is the way he consistently frames a man doing housework as him “helping out” his wife—not to mention multiple anecdotes from husbands who have succeeded in bringing home a paycheck and are baffled by their wives asking them to do anything further. While these attitudes aren’t totally behind us, in an era whena full half of women earn as much or more as their male partners,most couples expect to bring more of themselves to a partnership.

Truity’s new 7 Love Stylesframework addresses these changes, updating Chapman’s original five love languages and incorporating two ways of expressing love that are entirely new, based on what modern couples report needing in their relationships.

The first new love style is Emotional, which reflects a need to have one’s partner treat them with empathy and compassion. People who use this love style say they want a partner who “supports me when I’m down” or “was there for me when I went through something difficult.”

The second novel love style, Intellectual, reflects a meeting of the minds. People who value this style want to share opinions and ideas with their partner and have their intellect appreciated. They want to listen thoughtfully to one another and give and receive useful advice, input, and feedback.

“从5到7更新爱情语言提供了更全面的了解现代夫妇的需求,”奥马尔·鲁斯说,持牌婚姻和家庭治疗师who has used love languages theory with clients for over a decade. “For instance, emotional as an added love language is very key – as there has been an overall shift in promoting for all genders to express themselves in ways that could not have been acceptable in previous generations.”

除了发现两个完全新的爱情语言,新的7 Love Styles testalso clarifies aspects of Chapman’s original ideas. For instance, although the validity of Chapman’s “Receiving Gifts” love language was borne out by Truity’s research, its description in the original model is too narrow. In fact, people who enjoyed receiving gifts also appreciated other kinds of financial support, and having a partner who is a good financial provider and generous with money as a rule. Truity’s new description of the Financial love language reflects this broader understanding.

“我们希望我们的新评估更新并扩大了爱语言的概念,强调了现代关系中真正重要的,”欠款。

Seven Love Styles Overview

Truity’s new 7 Love Styles test measures your preferences in regards to the newly identified seven styles. Here’s the breakdown:

Activity

People who focus on the Activity love language feel special and valued when their partner takes an interest in their hobbies and activities and makes an effort to enjoy hobbies and interests together.

Appreciation

People who focus on the Appreciation love language feel loved when their partner gives them compliments, praise and thanks. They appreciate hearing explicitly what their partner likes and admires about them.

情绪化

Those who focus on the Emotional love language feel loved when their partner connects with them and supports them through difficult and scary emotions. Being present for the highs and lows is very important to those with the Emotional love language.

金融的

People with the Financial love language feel loved when their partner is generous with resources and sees value in spending money to bring their partner pleasure and joy. This love language may be expressed through gifts or just making space in the family budget for your partner's enjoyment.

Intellectual

People with the Intellectual love language like to connect through the mind. They feel loved when their partner values their intelligence, respects their opinion and thoughtfully discusses important issues.

Physical

People with the Physical love language feel loved when they receive physical affection—hugs, holding hands and snuggles. They want their partners to show they're attracted to them and initiate loving touch.

Practical

People with the Practical love language feel loved when their partners chip in with everyday duties and responsibilities. They feel cared for when their loved ones do chores and offer help.

What’s Your Modern Love Style?

跳到我们的7 Love Styles testto discover how you want to be loved! A free version of the test is available that identifies your preferred Love Style – and you can go deeper by upgrading to our full, 10-page personalized report, which shows not only how you want to receive love, but how you tend to give it—and how to understand whether your styles are working for you. The full report provides deep guidance on improving communication, intimacy and fulfillment in your relationship based on your preferred style.

To celebrate Valentine’s Day and the new test, Truity is also offering a free report for your partner now through February 28, 2022. Just upgrade to your full report and you’ll receive a code for your partner to unlock their own report for free.

Megan Malone

Megan是一个自由作家和一个品牌营销顾问在电影。bob下载她对帮助人们使用个性心理学改善他们的关系,职业生涯和生活质量的热情。一个Infj和Enneagram 9,梅根静静地生活在德克萨斯州德克萨斯州与她的丈夫和两个小狗。您可以在Twitter @Meganmmalone上与她聊天。

Comments

kate powers (not verified)says...

我非常欣赏图例在20世纪80年代更新了我开始遇bob下载到的“经典”自我意识工具的更新。然而,它始终如一地褶皱我(如黑板上的粉笔!)当你们都使用“测试”这个词而不是术语“清单” - 我接受过培训的术语,它没有单词测试的羞辱潜力。

你会对我解释这个吗?从我的体验的开始,“测试”一词是参考Meyers-Briggs,脊髓气质分拣机等。当bob下载这么多人努力变得更少的评判和更加感激时,历史上的时间多样性,使用“test”格栅这个词!!

Conor Cook (not verified)says...

我不能说它是电影,但我可以想象在它的bob下载含义中使用这个词测试,即“精炼”,这是较纯粹的形式。当我们测试自己的个性时,我们不仅要知道自己,而且因此也可以对自己更加忠诚,审视我们更好地了解我们如何在环境中更自然地行动。因此,测试实际上是在结果进入后发生的事情,我认为我们应该呼唤这些“库存”。

尽管如此,它值得重新审视“测试”的含义,以便锻炼肠道响应这么普遍,在我们的生活中有用。我们让它赋予了消极的意义,但是判断力是我们的大脑如何运作,尽管我们不能以讨厌,伤害的方式作出这种判断。

Conor Cook (not verified)says...

This is a great effort to further deepen our understanding of expressions of love, and even to recognize any deficiencies in the original love language work of Dr. Chapman, as significant and helpful as it clearly has been.

然而,当人类一直爱着数千年时,我们的“现代”表达在40年来,我们的“现代”表达已经很明显。是的,我们的现代情况与80年代和90年代不同,但它不是thatdifferent, considering the scope of human development.

Still, there is great value in refining and modifying the assessment of romantic and filial love, so that we can always better respond to our spouses, family, and friends.

But, don't forget that the ultimate expression of love is to lay down one's life for a friend, perhaps literally, but more often in the many small ways we die to ourselves for the sake of another's good. That is a love beyond any love language we can study.

The WTF Trimester (not verified)says...

这是一个很大的扩张!我很高兴看到这项研究出现并拥有一些新的想法来满足我的客户。情绪化和精神是众所周知的巨大领域,并保持许多人识别他们的真实需求。

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精细打印:MyERS-Briggs®和MBTI®是MBTI Trust,Inc。的注册商标,没有与本网站的关系。bob下载电影提供免费性格测试based on Myers and Briggs' types, but does not offer the official MBTI® assessment. For more information on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator® assessment, please gohere.

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