Truity’s original research with over 500,000 volunteers drives the creation of a new 7 Love Styles test, showing how we give and receive love in modern relationships
Think of a time when someone made you feel really loved. What did they do? Was it an amazingly personalized compliment? A sympathetic ear when you were going through a rough patch? Or maybe just a perfectly hot cup of coffee in bed?
Thanks to the work of marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman, author ofThe 5 Love Languages,我们大多数人明白这些行为devotion is an expression of our unique love language, Chapman’s name for the unique ways we express love to each other—and seek to be loved.
Dr. Chapman’s original theory was borne out of his work with married Christian couples in the 1980’s and formalized in his 1992 book. Chapman’s work changed the way we think about relationships and has become part of the language that couples and counselors depend on to talk about relationship dynamics. But the theory is also the product of a very different time, and a very limited and homogenous sample.
“We suspected that updated research across a more diverse sample might yield results that were more applicable and helpful for modern couples,” said Truity’s founder and CEO Molly Owens, who led the study. “In our research, we saw clearly that what people value most is a partner who listens to them, values their opinions and feelings and provides them with empathy and respect. These factors weren’t adequately addressed in the original 5 Love Languages—possibly because our expectations of relationships have simply shifted with the times.”
Truity’s research showed that in modern relationships, there was a new emphasis on deeper intellectual and emotional connections among many. We developed the new7 Love Styles testto reflect these new languages and provide guidance on how to use them for more satisfying connections.
“看到Truity扩大原来bob下载的工作to keep up with the many ways that relationships have changed over the last 30 years is encouraging,” said Dr. Pauline Yeghnazar Peck, PhD and licensed psychologist and marriage and family therapist who works with couple clients. “Working with lots of folks on the LGBTIQIA+ continuum, I often have to adjust my language and the context of the Love Languages to fit couple's diverse identities and needs. An update to the Love Languages is so important and timely as it can help couples find a more inclusive framework for connection and support — things everyone is desperately needing in these times.”
Chapman’s Five Languages of Love
查普曼博士奥林匹克广播服务公司erved that there was often a disconnect between what spouses did to show love, and how their partners received those actions. What one person thought was a display of love could fall totally flat for a spouse who “spoke” a different love language. He identified five love languages, which he explained in depth in order to help couples better understand each others’ needs.
The original love language types laid out by Chapman are:
- Physical touch
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
Each love language entails a very different expression of love and devotion, and problems arise when one half of a couple expresses love in a way that falls flat for their partner. A person who prefers Physical Touch may offer a hug to a partner in distress, while their Acts-of-Service focused sweetie just wants them to wash the dishes.
While it might be tempting to interpret love languages as a compatibility issue, rarely do couples speak the same love language—even happy ones. The key to working successfully with differences in love languages is learning to understand and speak your partner’s.
“In my counseling and coaching practices, the Love Language framework has been helpful for clients to develop their listening skills and help them come back to the most important aspects of their love and life together," saidChrista Hardin (MA), who has worked for close to two decades as a relationship coach and counselor.“有另一种工具更令人兴奋，更好地反映了不同现代夫妻的需求和风格 - 它可以用来帮助他们加深并在一起发展他们的关系。”
It is important to note that previous research into the love languages shows that the theory is not a cure-all. As with all things in relationships, the key is putting in the time and effort:a 2020 research surveyshowed that people who reported that their partners used their love language well had stronger feelings of love and relationship satisfaction than others.
Truity’s Seven Love Languages
The modern landscape of love is complex, and what people need from their partners to feel happy and secure has evolved as our societies have evolved. As gender norms flex, career opportunities for women open and the dual-earner household has become the norm, the expectations we have for our romantic relationships have become very different.
As psychologistEli Finkel已经指出，“婚姻已经发展，从基于高效分工的基本劳动力的主要伙伴关系，到我们希望帮助我们实现最佳自我的精神和个人联系。”
For heterosexual couples, in particular, the division of labor across gender lines is no longer neatly circumscribed, leading to an expansion of what we expect from our partners. Of note in Chapman’s book is the way he consistently frames a man doing housework as him “helping out” his wife—not to mention multiple anecdotes from husbands who have succeeded in bringing home a paycheck and are baffled by their wives asking them to do anything further. While these attitudes aren’t totally behind us, in an era whena full half of women earn as much or more as their male partners,most couples expect to bring more of themselves to a partnership.
Truity’s new 7 Love Stylesframework addresses these changes, updating Chapman’s original five love languages and incorporating two ways of expressing love that are entirely new, based on what modern couples report needing in their relationships.
The first new love style is Emotional, which reflects a need to have one’s partner treat them with empathy and compassion. People who use this love style say they want a partner who “supports me when I’m down” or “was there for me when I went through something difficult.”
The second novel love style, Intellectual, reflects a meeting of the minds. People who value this style want to share opinions and ideas with their partner and have their intellect appreciated. They want to listen thoughtfully to one another and give and receive useful advice, input, and feedback.
“从5到7更新爱情语言提供了更全面的了解现代夫妇的需求，”奥马尔·鲁斯说，持牌婚姻和家庭治疗师who has used love languages theory with clients for over a decade. “For instance, emotional as an added love language is very key – as there has been an overall shift in promoting for all genders to express themselves in ways that could not have been acceptable in previous generations.”
除了发现两个完全新的爱情语言，新的7 Love Styles testalso clarifies aspects of Chapman’s original ideas. For instance, although the validity of Chapman’s “Receiving Gifts” love language was borne out by Truity’s research, its description in the original model is too narrow. In fact, people who enjoyed receiving gifts also appreciated other kinds of financial support, and having a partner who is a good financial provider and generous with money as a rule. Truity’s new description of the Financial love language reflects this broader understanding.
Seven Love Styles Overview
Truity’s new 7 Love Styles test measures your preferences in regards to the newly identified seven styles. Here’s the breakdown:
People who focus on the Activity love language feel special and valued when their partner takes an interest in their hobbies and activities and makes an effort to enjoy hobbies and interests together.
People who focus on the Appreciation love language feel loved when their partner gives them compliments, praise and thanks. They appreciate hearing explicitly what their partner likes and admires about them.
Those who focus on the Emotional love language feel loved when their partner connects with them and supports them through difficult and scary emotions. Being present for the highs and lows is very important to those with the Emotional love language.
People with the Financial love language feel loved when their partner is generous with resources and sees value in spending money to bring their partner pleasure and joy. This love language may be expressed through gifts or just making space in the family budget for your partner's enjoyment.
People with the Intellectual love language like to connect through the mind. They feel loved when their partner values their intelligence, respects their opinion and thoughtfully discusses important issues.
People with the Physical love language feel loved when they receive physical affection—hugs, holding hands and snuggles. They want their partners to show they're attracted to them and initiate loving touch.
People with the Practical love language feel loved when their partners chip in with everyday duties and responsibilities. They feel cared for when their loved ones do chores and offer help.
What’s Your Modern Love Style?
跳到我们的7 Love Styles testto discover how you want to be loved! A free version of the test is available that identifies your preferred Love Style – and you can go deeper by upgrading to our full, 10-page personalized report, which shows not only how you want to receive love, but how you tend to give it—and how to understand whether your styles are working for you. The full report provides deep guidance on improving communication, intimacy and fulfillment in your relationship based on your preferred style.
To celebrate Valentine’s Day and the new test, Truity is also offering a free report for your partner now through February 28, 2022. Just upgrade to your full report and you’ll receive a code for your partner to unlock their own report for free.