I'm a quintessential ENFJ. I know how to form meaningful connections (which has been hugely advantageous in my career as a fundraiser). I'm not intimidated by authority figures because, to my way of thinking, they're no different than janitors in power suits; everyone is entilted to the same respect and compassion. But within the past year or so, I was betrayed by two former colleagues, which prompted my resignation and inspired me to establish my own firm, and a clinical narcissist/former lover who weasled his way into spending a weekend with me. Two days later, I discoverd that he had stolen close to $2k from my bank account to cover his rent. Both incidents occured within two months of each other. I strive to maintain harmony in all of my relationships, but for whatever reason being betrayed so brazenly by these three people unleashed a fury that I've never experienced before. Without going into detail, I confronted each of the liars with righteous anger and attack lines that left each person in tears. I have no regrets for going for the jugular. Sure, they cried for a while, but their duplicity was more hurtful than any of the insults that I hurled at them.
If other ENFJs have been victimized in a similar fashion, I would love to hear about your experience and what you gleaned from it. As far as I'm concerned, betraying my trust is unforgivable. I will never excuse their actions or provide them with the relief that accompanies forgiveness. These rather vengeful feelings are alien to me, so I've spent some time exploring what triggered my decision to take no prisoners when confronting them.
My mother always told me that "Trust is earned." I struggle with that philosophy, but I understand the principle underlying it: Trust is perhaps the most valuable emotional investment a person can make. Duplicity is anathema to extraverted feelers like myself, borderline unfathomable. After verbally eviscerating the folks who betrayed me, I was shocked by my willingness to ignore numerous red flags during the preceding months, always holding onto hope that I could "win them over." Although they didn't "scam" me in the traditional sense of the word, they did evade what I consider to be my secret weapon: a penetrating intuition. That continues to weigh heavily on me. Are these experiences just par for the ENFJ course, or should I begin viewing most people with suspicion, taking nothing at face value? Any insights, opinions, anecdotes, reprimands (I surely deserve one for some of the things I said to these folks) are welcome. Let's chat!
Scott Elliott (not verified)says...
I'm a quintessential ENFJ. I know how to form meaningful connections (which has been hugely advantageous in my career as a fundraiser). I'm not intimidated by authority figures because, to my way of thinking, they're no different than janitors in power suits; everyone is entilted to the same respect and compassion. But within the past year or so, I was betrayed by two former colleagues, which prompted my resignation and inspired me to establish my own firm, and a clinical narcissist/former lover who weasled his way into spending a weekend with me. Two days later, I discoverd that he had stolen close to $2k from my bank account to cover his rent. Both incidents occured within two months of each other. I strive to maintain harmony in all of my relationships, but for whatever reason being betrayed so brazenly by these three people unleashed a fury that I've never experienced before. Without going into detail, I confronted each of the liars with righteous anger and attack lines that left each person in tears. I have no regrets for going for the jugular. Sure, they cried for a while, but their duplicity was more hurtful than any of the insults that I hurled at them.
If other ENFJs have been victimized in a similar fashion, I would love to hear about your experience and what you gleaned from it. As far as I'm concerned, betraying my trust is unforgivable. I will never excuse their actions or provide them with the relief that accompanies forgiveness. These rather vengeful feelings are alien to me, so I've spent some time exploring what triggered my decision to take no prisoners when confronting them.
My mother always told me that "Trust is earned." I struggle with that philosophy, but I understand the principle underlying it: Trust is perhaps the most valuable emotional investment a person can make. Duplicity is anathema to extraverted feelers like myself, borderline unfathomable. After verbally eviscerating the folks who betrayed me, I was shocked by my willingness to ignore numerous red flags during the preceding months, always holding onto hope that I could "win them over." Although they didn't "scam" me in the traditional sense of the word, they did evade what I consider to be my secret weapon: a penetrating intuition. That continues to weigh heavily on me. Are these experiences just par for the ENFJ course, or should I begin viewing most people with suspicion, taking nothing at face value? Any insights, opinions, anecdotes, reprimands (I surely deserve one for some of the things I said to these folks) are welcome. Let's chat!