To be honest- when i am misled or 'flaked on', or my trust is in any way betrayed i am taylor Swift to anger and i will easily burn every bridge if i suspect insincerity. I'm not proud of being so 'proud'. But it plays out like this sonsistently. That said when people take accountability (even a simple appology) i am very receptive. I am quick to appologize when i am in error. but once i am hurt or don't receive the reciprocity i so seek... it's like game over, only occasionally playing the rubberband game 4s are (in)famous fo(u)r after. Usually there's no point. i just explode and become myself negative and hyper criticl of the 'betrayer'. I can aim to be the mountain. but i am all to quickly drawn into a victim i've been wronged role when people do no meet my needa (omg i know) that leads me to a state of seeking vengence and to reciprocate how i am feeling in reaction to their actions or lack therof.
I understand why the sexual/one-to-one 4s gets a bad rap as the most hostile of the 27 subtypes (under stress). Upon reflection i know that when i OVERSHARE with someone i (want to) trust and they can't handle it let alone reciprocate i feel compromised and vulnerable to such extent it's as if my only choice is to compensate/protect with fire. a bright orange ball of fire. So that's on me. I overshare in hopes of developing a deep equanimitous intimacy... often knowing or at the very least suspecting on a level that person cannot possibly meet me or understand or is otherwise unavailable. but expectation lurks just under the surface.
Q: Why do we (4's) so easily overshare? Can we ever be met. How have you learned (either as a 4 or someone in close relationshipw With a 4) to stabalize when we feel invalidated, unreciprocated, or heaven forbid...dismissed.?
Why did our persona evolve to feel so intensely and take things way too personally. I supppose this is why, as you and many teachers on the Enneagram have said, we MUST create to transform the experience. Art is not extracurricular. It's Survival. Or as you say... essential.
*meanwhile i listen to Dolly Parton to console myself. lmao after all what's not to love and adore about (healthy) 2s.
ET (IV) (not verified)says...
To be honest- when i am misled or 'flaked on', or my trust is in any way betrayed i am taylor Swift to anger and i will easily burn every bridge if i suspect insincerity. I'm not proud of being so 'proud'. But it plays out like this sonsistently. That said when people take accountability (even a simple appology) i am very receptive. I am quick to appologize when i am in error. but once i am hurt or don't receive the reciprocity i so seek... it's like game over, only occasionally playing the rubberband game 4s are (in)famous fo(u)r after. Usually there's no point. i just explode and become myself negative and hyper criticl of the 'betrayer'. I can aim to be the mountain. but i am all to quickly drawn into a victim i've been wronged role when people do no meet my needa (omg i know) that leads me to a state of seeking vengence and to reciprocate how i am feeling in reaction to their actions or lack therof.
I understand why the sexual/one-to-one 4s gets a bad rap as the most hostile of the 27 subtypes (under stress). Upon reflection i know that when i OVERSHARE with someone i (want to) trust and they can't handle it let alone reciprocate i feel compromised and vulnerable to such extent it's as if my only choice is to compensate/protect with fire. a bright orange ball of fire. So that's on me. I overshare in hopes of developing a deep equanimitous intimacy... often knowing or at the very least suspecting on a level that person cannot possibly meet me or understand or is otherwise unavailable. but expectation lurks just under the surface.
Q: Why do we (4's) so easily overshare? Can we ever be met. How have you learned (either as a 4 or someone in close relationshipw With a 4) to stabalize when we feel invalidated, unreciprocated, or heaven forbid...dismissed.?
Why did our persona evolve to feel so intensely and take things way too personally. I supppose this is why, as you and many teachers on the Enneagram have said, we MUST create to transform the experience. Art is not extracurricular. It's Survival. Or as you say... essential.
*meanwhile i listen to Dolly Parton to console myself. lmao after all what's not to love and adore about (healthy) 2s.