Thank you Louise for what you wrote. It's great you're seeing this in your 20s. I only came across this recently in my mid 40s and just wanted to thank you about the part you wrote about "owning yourself." You hear that a lot but it never rang true for me until now. Being raised in a similar family you can't help wonder that the reason you are different and can't fit in as easily to norms of society/relationships is bc of your upbringing and if only had it been different. I set out into the world at a young age looking for what place felt right. Even after finding it I still don't fit in with societal norms and can't help thinking it's a deficit while all along unwilling/unable to change/tame my eccentricities...and judging the rest of the world for this discrepancy. Right now it hit me, reading your post that maybe my fear truly lies in, in stepping into who I really am vs needing to change to finally fit in. Bc that new world has only me in it. It's a new door into a new room where I alone am standing and I think not having one foot in the other room w everyone else and stepping into it with both feet terrifies me. As if the floor will drop and and I don't know what will happen. Im a capable person but I feel stepping into the new room means cutting off from what I know...even though I feel that's where I should be. In the other room I already know my place even though it's not a good fit, it's shallow waters and no threat or real bravery needed to face yourself wholly bc you're too focused on your difference w the crowds. Once in the new room with no crowds you're now there with only yourself. Like climbing a mountain solo. But I find myself stuck and not sure how to take the first step 'into myself'. But your post made me realize that my fear isn't not fitting in like I've always thought, but fear of stepping into myself. It sounds odd to say but it feels like a leap of faith to step inside. But I can also argue that and say, if not now then when? ;)
Christi (not verified)says...
Thank you Louise for what you wrote. It's great you're seeing this in your 20s. I only came across this recently in my mid 40s and just wanted to thank you about the part you wrote about "owning yourself." You hear that a lot but it never rang true for me until now. Being raised in a similar family you can't help wonder that the reason you are different and can't fit in as easily to norms of society/relationships is bc of your upbringing and if only had it been different. I set out into the world at a young age looking for what place felt right. Even after finding it I still don't fit in with societal norms and can't help thinking it's a deficit while all along unwilling/unable to change/tame my eccentricities...and judging the rest of the world for this discrepancy. Right now it hit me, reading your post that maybe my fear truly lies in, in stepping into who I really am vs needing to change to finally fit in. Bc that new world has only me in it. It's a new door into a new room where I alone am standing and I think not having one foot in the other room w everyone else and stepping into it with both feet terrifies me. As if the floor will drop and and I don't know what will happen. Im a capable person but I feel stepping into the new room means cutting off from what I know...even though I feel that's where I should be. In the other room I already know my place even though it's not a good fit, it's shallow waters and no threat or real bravery needed to face yourself wholly bc you're too focused on your difference w the crowds. Once in the new room with no crowds you're now there with only yourself. Like climbing a mountain solo. But I find myself stuck and not sure how to take the first step 'into myself'. But your post made me realize that my fear isn't not fitting in like I've always thought, but fear of stepping into myself. It sounds odd to say but it feels like a leap of faith to step inside. But I can also argue that and say, if not now then when? ;)