Wow. Thank you for writing this! Have to say, yep, this is true. I’ve always spoke to how much I hate physics. When I have something on my car seat and I have to stop *SLIGHTLY* more abruptly than normal, and that inanimate object goes flying - like now an upside-down, emptied purse - it absolutely infuriates me. I have a very short(ened) fuse the more stress I’ve had over the last two decades, but it’s always a *thing* that won’t just do what it’s supposed to. An app that suddenly stops working right. Google mini deciding she “doesn’t understand” me, more when I’m standing right next to her, than when I’m halfway across the house. Medicare (and other insurance billing) being evil, gaslighting monsters. But, again, not the people, the system, the software, the process, the outcomes. But if I set something down and it decides to just slide and not do what I wanted it to do, all my pent up resentments from being so contained and controlled for 50 years just burst out. How dare you slide off that chair? It sometimes makes me laugh, but has always baffled me. Why does that upset me so much? Maybe because it’s something I should be able to control, but the universe has decided to thwart me? hahahaha.
Have always been somewhat openly pessimistic (but romantic and hopeful inside, which I don’t share, because people are awful), yet my best friend pointed out something that made it make sense. “The smartest people tend to be the most pessimistic. Haven’t you ever noticed that the most blindly happy people aren’t the brightest bulbs?” She’s right. The people I know who are the most effortlessly happy are either faking it, not too educated, or *choose* to not look at the world, so they have no idea what’s actually going on and can remain blissfully unaware.
I have always found myself happiest when alone, and able to get things done without having to ask for help. Not that I don’t want help, or a team, a community, but people mess things up. And the *least* suicidal I’ve ever been over whether I deserve to be loved, is when I’ve been single and chosen to be alone. Relationships always end up with me seething at the universe for why it constantly tells me I don’t deserve to be appreciated by others. That all goes away when I’m alone in my nest. Nothing irks me more than having to ask for help. Most of the time I regret it.
AndreaI (not verified)says...
Wow. Thank you for writing this! Have to say, yep, this is true. I’ve always spoke to how much I hate physics. When I have something on my car seat and I have to stop *SLIGHTLY* more abruptly than normal, and that inanimate object goes flying - like now an upside-down, emptied purse - it absolutely infuriates me. I have a very short(ened) fuse the more stress I’ve had over the last two decades, but it’s always a *thing* that won’t just do what it’s supposed to. An app that suddenly stops working right. Google mini deciding she “doesn’t understand” me, more when I’m standing right next to her, than when I’m halfway across the house. Medicare (and other insurance billing) being evil, gaslighting monsters. But, again, not the people, the system, the software, the process, the outcomes. But if I set something down and it decides to just slide and not do what I wanted it to do, all my pent up resentments from being so contained and controlled for 50 years just burst out. How dare you slide off that chair? It sometimes makes me laugh, but has always baffled me. Why does that upset me so much? Maybe because it’s something I should be able to control, but the universe has decided to thwart me? hahahaha.
Have always been somewhat openly pessimistic (but romantic and hopeful inside, which I don’t share, because people are awful), yet my best friend pointed out something that made it make sense. “The smartest people tend to be the most pessimistic. Haven’t you ever noticed that the most blindly happy people aren’t the brightest bulbs?” She’s right. The people I know who are the most effortlessly happy are either faking it, not too educated, or *choose* to not look at the world, so they have no idea what’s actually going on and can remain blissfully unaware.
I have always found myself happiest when alone, and able to get things done without having to ask for help. Not that I don’t want help, or a team, a community, but people mess things up. And the *least* suicidal I’ve ever been over whether I deserve to be loved, is when I’ve been single and chosen to be alone. Relationships always end up with me seething at the universe for why it constantly tells me I don’t deserve to be appreciated by others. That all goes away when I’m alone in my nest. Nothing irks me more than having to ask for help. Most of the time I regret it.
This post is spot on.