I’m autistic and I’m very self aware. I have been masking for as early as I remember because I always wanted to appear like everyone else. But I have never been unaware of how I really feel. In fact for me…masking feels the same as wearing as shirt with a tag in. You wear it because everyone else is but there is no way that you’ll ever “not feel” the tag if you truly have sensory issues. I can wear that shirt for 20 year and it will still be as uncomfortable in the 20th year as it I was the 1st. Masking to me is the same. We use it almost like a survival tactic. Many autistic people though will “crash” once they get home and out of the view of judgemental glances….one of the reasons I like being alone is because I can be myself and I don’t have to listen to anyone else say how I need to be different. Yes…I also like being alone because I prefer to work alone and be independent. But for the purpose of this article…there have been feelings of “losing my true self” in kind of like a “fashion since” but I have always known what my challenges are and what I think about things even when I mask so it can’t be seen. The Enneagram 5 is like a thorough manual of anyone who would like to actually know what goes on inside my head under the masking. It’s the things I don’t share with others because it makes you sound inconsiderate or selfish even. If you read a thorough description of the eneagram 5 both what they are like when they are healthy and when they are not healthy….it gives you a better understanding of the whole person. I’m not really arguing with the idea that autistics can be represented on all enneagram types…but more with the idea that masking keeps you from being able to self evaluate. But then again autism keeps me from being able to put myself in someone else’s thoughts… So there’s that…lol
Andrea Skelly (not verified)says...
I’m autistic and I’m very self aware. I have been masking for as early as I remember because I always wanted to appear like everyone else. But I have never been unaware of how I really feel. In fact for me…masking feels the same as wearing as shirt with a tag in. You wear it because everyone else is but there is no way that you’ll ever “not feel” the tag if you truly have sensory issues. I can wear that shirt for 20 year and it will still be as uncomfortable in the 20th year as it I was the 1st. Masking to me is the same. We use it almost like a survival tactic. Many autistic people though will “crash” once they get home and out of the view of judgemental glances….one of the reasons I like being alone is because I can be myself and I don’t have to listen to anyone else say how I need to be different. Yes…I also like being alone because I prefer to work alone and be independent. But for the purpose of this article…there have been feelings of “losing my true self” in kind of like a “fashion since” but I have always known what my challenges are and what I think about things even when I mask so it can’t be seen. The Enneagram 5 is like a thorough manual of anyone who would like to actually know what goes on inside my head under the masking. It’s the things I don’t share with others because it makes you sound inconsiderate or selfish even. If you read a thorough description of the eneagram 5 both what they are like when they are healthy and when they are not healthy….it gives you a better understanding of the whole person. I’m not really arguing with the idea that autistics can be represented on all enneagram types…but more with the idea that masking keeps you from being able to self evaluate. But then again autism keeps me from being able to put myself in someone else’s thoughts… So there’s that…lol