I recently started therapy after a break up from a very tumultuous relationship. I personally felt the reason for our challenges was due to the fact I am an intellectually intense female. I was even told to "stop knowing things" and his version of our poor communication issues often stemmed around the fact that I would articulate a different perspective. He seemed to always be offended by the fact that I am an avid reader. He would be passive-aggressive and say things like reading may be negatively warping my mind. And when I would offer a tidbit from something I read, he would immediately interrupt me and criticize knowledge received from reading. He made other bigotted statements throughout our relationship and seemed to be very intimidated by my logic.
I also had a male friend, an ENFJ, tell me that men will have to put up with my quirks. When I asked him what my quirks were, his response "The fact you read 90 books in 1 year". Like huh? I can think of far worse things than that, right!?
I tend to attract Extraverts - and the most narcissistic of them all. Very me-centered who need a lot of attention. I tend to get "adopted" by these personalities and they usually befriend me and I go along with it. I think because I'm flexible, laid back, and don't feel the need to promote myself, they like that they do not feel the need to compete with me. What ends up happening is, I end up playing in their sandbox - I usually find their world entertaining. However, once I tire of the experience, and decide to live out my own truth and be myself - our relationship goes south very quickly. They never want to play in my sandbox and find my logic and honesty cruel. I then decide they are self-absorbed and selfish and terminate the friendship without looking back.
Then I go through my lonely period. This is where I am at now. From therapy, I learned that these folks I attract are self-absorbed and selfish. So I got rid of them. So now I am at this page. LOL.
My therapist asked me "How do I plan to cultivate relationships with others?" as I told him I need some type of companionship. That is my assignment before the next session. And my knee-jerk answer was "Don't". Something instinctively told me to Google how to make friends as an INTJ.
I am very thankful for this page and all of your comments!!! This explains so much and makes me feel less like something is wrong with me. I shouldn't feel pressured into socializing and I will not force myself. I think to cultivate deeper relationships, I need to be myself and stop playing in other's sandboxes. I need to be the chooser instead of waiting for someone to choose me.
I also think I need to refocus on my projects cause that gives me a sense of purpose and then I don't care about being alone.
寻找我的人(不是verified)says...
Wow! I am so thankful to come across this page.
I recently started therapy after a break up from a very tumultuous relationship. I personally felt the reason for our challenges was due to the fact I am an intellectually intense female. I was even told to "stop knowing things" and his version of our poor communication issues often stemmed around the fact that I would articulate a different perspective. He seemed to always be offended by the fact that I am an avid reader. He would be passive-aggressive and say things like reading may be negatively warping my mind. And when I would offer a tidbit from something I read, he would immediately interrupt me and criticize knowledge received from reading. He made other bigotted statements throughout our relationship and seemed to be very intimidated by my logic.
I also had a male friend, an ENFJ, tell me that men will have to put up with my quirks. When I asked him what my quirks were, his response "The fact you read 90 books in 1 year". Like huh? I can think of far worse things than that, right!?
I tend to attract Extraverts - and the most narcissistic of them all. Very me-centered who need a lot of attention. I tend to get "adopted" by these personalities and they usually befriend me and I go along with it. I think because I'm flexible, laid back, and don't feel the need to promote myself, they like that they do not feel the need to compete with me. What ends up happening is, I end up playing in their sandbox - I usually find their world entertaining. However, once I tire of the experience, and decide to live out my own truth and be myself - our relationship goes south very quickly. They never want to play in my sandbox and find my logic and honesty cruel. I then decide they are self-absorbed and selfish and terminate the friendship without looking back.
Then I go through my lonely period. This is where I am at now. From therapy, I learned that these folks I attract are self-absorbed and selfish. So I got rid of them. So now I am at this page. LOL.
My therapist asked me "How do I plan to cultivate relationships with others?" as I told him I need some type of companionship. That is my assignment before the next session. And my knee-jerk answer was "Don't". Something instinctively told me to Google how to make friends as an INTJ.
I am very thankful for this page and all of your comments!!! This explains so much and makes me feel less like something is wrong with me. I shouldn't feel pressured into socializing and I will not force myself. I think to cultivate deeper relationships, I need to be myself and stop playing in other's sandboxes. I need to be the chooser instead of waiting for someone to choose me.
I also think I need to refocus on my projects cause that gives me a sense of purpose and then I don't care about being alone.