This is an interesting article. As discussed in the article, and as lampooned on the television program 'The Big Bang Theory', romance is one of the most difficult challenges an INTJ may ever face. I'm in my 40's now and never had a girlfriend, not even a flirtatious relationship, with anyone until I was 30.
Even then, I would have never met her if my co-workers hadn't set me up. First, they had talked me into trying online dating which was an unmitigated disaster. I spent months on three different online dating sites trying to find anyone who might possibly be worth trying to date. I managed to find a few whose profiles suggested this. I think I corresponded (almost pen pal style) with nine or ten of them over that time period. Of those, only three kept it up long enough for me to somehow screw up the courage to ask them out on an actual date.
The first one turned out to be so focused on one of the subjects that I simply can't stand, politics, that it was nearly impossible to have a good conversation with her. That was all she wanted to talk about and my attempts at 'small talk' usually failed. For her part, she was almost as totally uninterested in what was then my passion, botany, as I was in her's. We had five or six dates before I finally gave up. I knew that it was time to give it up when she started talking about a guy she'd met at this presidential library where she volunteered (did I mention that she was obsessed with politics?). She clearly found him more interesting than she did me, so I broke up with her. It was painful, because I'd finally taken the huge risk of attempting a romantic relationship and it had fizzled miserably.
The second one seemed to be more interested in my work and hobbies, asking me lots of questions about it and encouraging me to tell all about the ups and downs of it.....at least on the website. When I finally met her for an actual date, she spent almost the entire time taking calls on her cell phone and talking to her friends. On the first date, she even brought along her best friend as a sort of group date. That she wasn't willing to trust me enough to meet her at a restaurant with it being just the two of us was my first red flag. Having the phone to her ear most of the time was the second. But, I was so hoping not to have a repeat of the first disaster and her online correspondence was so fun, that I tried to keep going. Then, after a few dates, I was involved in an auto accident that really hurt me. After I'd called 911, I called her and only got her voice mail. I left her a message saying what had happened. Then, I called my coworkers. They came immediately, even though they were further away, and helped me through it. I tried her again at the hospital and still got voicemail. She didn't call me back, not even the next day. When I finally got her to answer the phone a couple of days later, I wound up breaking up with her, letting her know that I had finally realized how low of a priority I was.
我网上认识的第三人是最好的。我们had a ton of things in common: interests, growing up experiences, faith etc. I loved corresponding with her, and later on, talking with her on the phone. In fact, we are still friends and keep in touch on Facebook. The problem came when it came to attempting a physical date. She had her own business and her time was so consumed with that, that it was nearly impossible to make a date. After a couple of months, I realized that I'd always be second banana to her business.
After that, I gave up on the online dating scene. My coworkers felt bad that it had gone so poorly, so a few months later, the guy I worked with gave me the name and phone number of someone who was his wife's co-worker. It took me a few days to screw up the courage to even call her. When I finally did, I called her three times on three different days (even tried different times of day)and just got her voice mail. I almost gave up and tossed the post-it note with her number in the trash, but then I thought about how my co-workers had told me what a great person she was and how much we had in common, that I ought to try one more time.
She answered the phone that time and we talked for at least two hours. We spent the next two or three months talking on the phone at least once a week, sometimes three or four times a week. Each time, they were very lengthy calls, yet we never seemed to run out of things to talk about and even started sharing things that we never thought we'd ever tell anyone else about our problems, frustrations, dreams, regrets, etc.
I finally decided that she might actually be 'the one', so I asked her out on a dinner date. We wound up chatting over our meal from around 6 pm until the place closed. I'd never talked to anyone so much in my whole life, but I found that I actually enjoyed it. We dated for a little over two years, still living separately, much to the surprise of some of the people we knew (which appalled me, making me realize just how much morals had degraded these days), but spending as much time together as our schedules allowed. We both had weekends off and usually were off work before 5 pm, so that wound up being a lot of time together.
By the time I decided that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without her, we'd gotten to know each other really well (both the good stuff and the not so attractive stuff). In fact, by then, we'd seen each other at both our best and our worst as we both had had big problems at work and in our family life by then. When I asked her to marry me, I was shocked at how comfortable I already was with her and that I wasn't nervous at all. I think I had already intuitively realized that she wanted to marry me before I even asked.
我们've been married almost 10 years now. There have been ups and downs to be sure, but we've never fought and never tried to break up with each other. There have been disagreements, but both of us grew up being so adverse to fighting that we've always managed to resolve those disagreements without them degrading into anything hurtful.
She took the Meyers Briggs test in college as I had and it had said that she was INTP with a tendency more towards being extroverted than my test showed. So, we are enough alike that we can relate to each other, yet different enough that she makes up for my weaknesses and I make up for her's.
John Enfield (not verified)says...
This is an interesting article. As discussed in the article, and as lampooned on the television program 'The Big Bang Theory', romance is one of the most difficult challenges an INTJ may ever face. I'm in my 40's now and never had a girlfriend, not even a flirtatious relationship, with anyone until I was 30.
Even then, I would have never met her if my co-workers hadn't set me up. First, they had talked me into trying online dating which was an unmitigated disaster. I spent months on three different online dating sites trying to find anyone who might possibly be worth trying to date. I managed to find a few whose profiles suggested this. I think I corresponded (almost pen pal style) with nine or ten of them over that time period. Of those, only three kept it up long enough for me to somehow screw up the courage to ask them out on an actual date.
The first one turned out to be so focused on one of the subjects that I simply can't stand, politics, that it was nearly impossible to have a good conversation with her. That was all she wanted to talk about and my attempts at 'small talk' usually failed. For her part, she was almost as totally uninterested in what was then my passion, botany, as I was in her's. We had five or six dates before I finally gave up. I knew that it was time to give it up when she started talking about a guy she'd met at this presidential library where she volunteered (did I mention that she was obsessed with politics?). She clearly found him more interesting than she did me, so I broke up with her. It was painful, because I'd finally taken the huge risk of attempting a romantic relationship and it had fizzled miserably.
The second one seemed to be more interested in my work and hobbies, asking me lots of questions about it and encouraging me to tell all about the ups and downs of it.....at least on the website. When I finally met her for an actual date, she spent almost the entire time taking calls on her cell phone and talking to her friends. On the first date, she even brought along her best friend as a sort of group date. That she wasn't willing to trust me enough to meet her at a restaurant with it being just the two of us was my first red flag. Having the phone to her ear most of the time was the second. But, I was so hoping not to have a repeat of the first disaster and her online correspondence was so fun, that I tried to keep going. Then, after a few dates, I was involved in an auto accident that really hurt me. After I'd called 911, I called her and only got her voice mail. I left her a message saying what had happened. Then, I called my coworkers. They came immediately, even though they were further away, and helped me through it. I tried her again at the hospital and still got voicemail. She didn't call me back, not even the next day. When I finally got her to answer the phone a couple of days later, I wound up breaking up with her, letting her know that I had finally realized how low of a priority I was.
我网上认识的第三人是最好的。我们had a ton of things in common: interests, growing up experiences, faith etc. I loved corresponding with her, and later on, talking with her on the phone. In fact, we are still friends and keep in touch on Facebook. The problem came when it came to attempting a physical date. She had her own business and her time was so consumed with that, that it was nearly impossible to make a date. After a couple of months, I realized that I'd always be second banana to her business.
After that, I gave up on the online dating scene. My coworkers felt bad that it had gone so poorly, so a few months later, the guy I worked with gave me the name and phone number of someone who was his wife's co-worker. It took me a few days to screw up the courage to even call her. When I finally did, I called her three times on three different days (even tried different times of day)and just got her voice mail. I almost gave up and tossed the post-it note with her number in the trash, but then I thought about how my co-workers had told me what a great person she was and how much we had in common, that I ought to try one more time.
She answered the phone that time and we talked for at least two hours. We spent the next two or three months talking on the phone at least once a week, sometimes three or four times a week. Each time, they were very lengthy calls, yet we never seemed to run out of things to talk about and even started sharing things that we never thought we'd ever tell anyone else about our problems, frustrations, dreams, regrets, etc.
I finally decided that she might actually be 'the one', so I asked her out on a dinner date. We wound up chatting over our meal from around 6 pm until the place closed. I'd never talked to anyone so much in my whole life, but I found that I actually enjoyed it. We dated for a little over two years, still living separately, much to the surprise of some of the people we knew (which appalled me, making me realize just how much morals had degraded these days), but spending as much time together as our schedules allowed. We both had weekends off and usually were off work before 5 pm, so that wound up being a lot of time together.
By the time I decided that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without her, we'd gotten to know each other really well (both the good stuff and the not so attractive stuff). In fact, by then, we'd seen each other at both our best and our worst as we both had had big problems at work and in our family life by then. When I asked her to marry me, I was shocked at how comfortable I already was with her and that I wasn't nervous at all. I think I had already intuitively realized that she wanted to marry me before I even asked.
我们've been married almost 10 years now. There have been ups and downs to be sure, but we've never fought and never tried to break up with each other. There have been disagreements, but both of us grew up being so adverse to fighting that we've always managed to resolve those disagreements without them degrading into anything hurtful.
She took the Meyers Briggs test in college as I had and it had said that she was INTP with a tendency more towards being extroverted than my test showed. So, we are enough alike that we can relate to each other, yet different enough that she makes up for my weaknesses and I make up for her's.