I relate to this. I am an INTP mother of two. I will confess I didn't want children. I didn't dislike them but didn't think it was a good idea for me. I became pregnant accidentally as high fertility runs in my family and birth control is not perfect in spite of what people want to believe. This was an unexpected blessing! I rose to the occasion each time in my rational, logical way and learned and grew and adapted myself one day at a time to be the best parent I could be. Each of them had different needs as babies, toddlers, young children, as teens. My kids are two entirely different people and I think it is a fascinating study in nature and nurture that as a parent you can watch up close and personal. I am a scientist at heart and I love psychology, biology, human anatomy & physiology, pathophysiology and the art and science of medicine. Being a parent gives such a unique lens to study these topics. I am capable of love and empathy and I have tender emotions (just not that often or that strongly all the time) and I don't think being a rational, analytical, logical scientist-type precludes these things. I have sometimes felt odd-woman-out when hearing others gush on about motherhood or babies and the like, as the author described. I think the author nailed it when listing all the strengths that she brings to parenting. Bravo! I agree completely. My kids are better off for my rational style of parenting. I don't live through them and they don't have to meet my emotional needs; I accept them for the people they are; they can share anything with me as a result and they tell me they feel accepted and free to be themselves. I can level with them and set boundaries and give them feedback but I don't have to douse them with my emotions every time I am unhappy with their choices or worried about them. I have also been able to teach them to be circumspect and think about how they think (metacognition). There are plenty of gifts a more rational type of parent can proffer and I don't want to apologize that I am not emotional and gushy. My kids and husband know they have my heart and I am always rooting for them even if I don't show it exactly like 90% or more of the female population. I think the article is incredibly normalizing and I'm glad for this perspective to be spelled out like this so we know we are not alone. Thankfully I accepted myself the way I am a long time ago. I learned the motto, "identify, don't compare" which refers to the idea of noticing what you may have in common with fellow human beings and not worrying about what separates us. I came to believe that it is fine to have my strengths instead of someone else's and be my best version of me rather than trying to fit into the more common paradigms of what womanhood and motherhood and personhood "usually" looks like. I would like to know more people who are like us because I know very few and I do feel alone plenty of the time. In my work I am surrounded by people who are not "NT" and maybe not even "N" or "T" at all. This article was refreshing as it felt like I was hearing from my "sister" who is like me and we can understand each other's perspective. Thanks for that!
Rijke (not verified)says...
I relate to this. I am an INTP mother of two. I will confess I didn't want children. I didn't dislike them but didn't think it was a good idea for me. I became pregnant accidentally as high fertility runs in my family and birth control is not perfect in spite of what people want to believe. This was an unexpected blessing! I rose to the occasion each time in my rational, logical way and learned and grew and adapted myself one day at a time to be the best parent I could be. Each of them had different needs as babies, toddlers, young children, as teens. My kids are two entirely different people and I think it is a fascinating study in nature and nurture that as a parent you can watch up close and personal. I am a scientist at heart and I love psychology, biology, human anatomy & physiology, pathophysiology and the art and science of medicine. Being a parent gives such a unique lens to study these topics. I am capable of love and empathy and I have tender emotions (just not that often or that strongly all the time) and I don't think being a rational, analytical, logical scientist-type precludes these things. I have sometimes felt odd-woman-out when hearing others gush on about motherhood or babies and the like, as the author described. I think the author nailed it when listing all the strengths that she brings to parenting. Bravo! I agree completely. My kids are better off for my rational style of parenting. I don't live through them and they don't have to meet my emotional needs; I accept them for the people they are; they can share anything with me as a result and they tell me they feel accepted and free to be themselves. I can level with them and set boundaries and give them feedback but I don't have to douse them with my emotions every time I am unhappy with their choices or worried about them. I have also been able to teach them to be circumspect and think about how they think (metacognition). There are plenty of gifts a more rational type of parent can proffer and I don't want to apologize that I am not emotional and gushy. My kids and husband know they have my heart and I am always rooting for them even if I don't show it exactly like 90% or more of the female population. I think the article is incredibly normalizing and I'm glad for this perspective to be spelled out like this so we know we are not alone. Thankfully I accepted myself the way I am a long time ago. I learned the motto, "identify, don't compare" which refers to the idea of noticing what you may have in common with fellow human beings and not worrying about what separates us. I came to believe that it is fine to have my strengths instead of someone else's and be my best version of me rather than trying to fit into the more common paradigms of what womanhood and motherhood and personhood "usually" looks like. I would like to know more people who are like us because I know very few and I do feel alone plenty of the time. In my work I am surrounded by people who are not "NT" and maybe not even "N" or "T" at all. This article was refreshing as it felt like I was hearing from my "sister" who is like me and we can understand each other's perspective. Thanks for that!