我是一个凭,&我的丈夫是一个ISTJ。我们有一个是TP son (21), ISFP daughter (13), & our little girl (2½) might also be an INTP. Hard to tell at this age of course, but she’s almost certainly I b/c she’s quiet around people she doesn’t know well, & gets tired being around a lot of people for a couple of hrs, but at home, she’s very busy talking & running around most of the day. Prob. P b/c she doesn’t like schedules. She might need her nap almost any time of day. 3 days ago, she decided she didn’t want to go to breakfast, & took a nap instead. But 2 days ago, she couldn’t fall asleep until about dinnertime. And sometimes she can’t take a nap at all. Her bedtime takes hours b/c she’s so wound up, so I just put calming lullaby cartoons in a corner of the laptop & have her hang out w/ me until she falls asleep. The 13-yr-old as a baby hung out w/ me while I read books until she fell asleep at about 10 PM, regardless of how early I put her in the bed. She could, & the other can, sleep only in the bed w/ me. But about the rest, apparently S/N & T/F, they’re prob. exactly opposites:
13-yr-old…
is calm, never had more than slight trouble w/ teething, never had a tantrum; e.g. outgrew naps at 12 mos. & never needed them anymore
could eat even steak by about 12 or 18 mos.; never picky; no food-allergies
was an easy-going baby: was potty-trained by 2 w/ practically no effort
has highly sensitive feelings, e.g. burst into tears when scolded for biting while nursing, & never did it again, & at 18 mos. burst into tears of sadness in sympathy for the stuffed animalshere(it was really tough to not laugh at her cuteness & at the commercial but to calmly hold her & tell her the animals went to the dr. & got better ?)
is irritated by absurd & philosophical humor
likes craft & cooking books
likes normal kids’ holidays: Christmas & Halloween
doesn’t have any unusual way of talking
2½-yr-old…
is high-strung, e.g. still needs rocking, even occas. in the middle of the night; has ≥ 1 tantrum/day; lots of agitation over teething, lots of doses of painkiller needed
seems confused by many food-textures: can’t yet chew olives or anything tougher, or any leaf; couldn’t chew anything until 20 mos. & then only b/c a certain new teether spurred it; kind of picky; FPIES allergy to oats, rye, & possibly something else
is strong-willed: potty-training is a battle—no, a siege, b/c it’s taking so long I don’t remember starting; she easily uses the potty if she has no pants on, just goes to it on her own, but put anything on her, cloth or disposable, & when I’m busy or relaxing & not paying attention, she’ll probably make a mess in it, not really caring. Have tried every method. Currently, stalemate.
doesn’t have sensitive feelings, e.g. thought biting while nursing was a fun game, formonths?—but I broke her—I won at least that siege! ? (force-weaning her would be disastrous, & she needs milk for her health & IQ of course)
likes absurd humor, e.g. I haveHyperbole and a Half,which she wanted me to read to her, so I crossed out all the swear words & she likes it; in general laughs at the same things I do, calls them ‘funny & weird’
likes intellectual books her sister thought were boring; b/c we can’t have deep conversations yet, the humor & reading these books together make up for it pretty much (I guess I don’t have a need, for conversation, building up in me. Mainly I talk to people at church, about theology. And write in discussions on the internet like this. And talk to my husband of course. But any frequency of conversation is fine for me.)
maybe b/c 1 of those books is about it, favorite holiday is…Pentecost ?
asks questions w/ furrowed brow & tilted head, like, repeatedly, ‘Mama? Are we going to Pentecost?’ (meaning Pentecost service at church), in a quiet, serious, hopeful voice ??
Some other observations…
它将很难在工作& m离开去工作y baby w/ anyone. Nobody else could take care of the baby well enough. We’ve never even had a real babysitter, only their grandma if we had no other choice, & only when they’re at least 4. Time away from my baby—which would be loneliness—wouldn’t be a fair trade. I’ve never been successful at getting & keeping a job I was good at & didn’t get sick of fast. Once I was an apprentice machinist, but made too many mistakes. Once a graphic designer but got laid off after a few mos. Once a political canvasser but disagreed w/ the politics. Once a food runner at a busy live-performance restaurant at the theater, which was often fun (as you’d expect,Ididn’t do any performances!), but even w/ hardly having to talk to anyone, still just exhausting for an introvert. Every other job I’ve been able to land has been miserable: dishwasher, assembly line, janitor, dept store at Christmas, 3rd-shift at a gas station… My schooling didn’t prepare me for anything. Even though I went into kindergarten reading everything I could find, incl. & esp. my dad’s college dictionary, no acceleration was allowed, & by the time there was a gifted program, I guess I was a ‘problem’ kid (had been force-fed soap a lot, paddled some, & put in solitary some) b/c I wasn’t allowed in. Graphic design was the only thing I could (barely) get into that had a chance of not turning miserable, & I think I’m really terrible at interviews. But I have chronic mono now anyway, so none of that matters anymore. Don’t know if this is the most noble & fulfilling job I could possibly have, but it’s the only 1 that’s worked out well.
I hadn’t even considered getting married, but my husband proposed to me, I loved him, & I was already 29. So I realized I had better settle down, & did right away. We had our 1st baby very soon (the 1st girl—the boy’s a stepson technically). Didn’t try for another baby for several yrs, but I guess we should have. Took fertility for granted & then a dr. said we couldn’t have any more. I was shocked & kicking myself. Prayed for 5 yrs ? then finally another baby. ? But haven’t tried since b/c she’s a handful. Or 2 handfuls. Might run out of time b/f she isn’t. But 2 babies in 2 yrs? I would have been frantic.
我不希望他们去学校,特别是给予n what happened to me, the restriction & the corporal punishment for being too eager to learn—well, corporal punishment at all. Also our son was put in a gifted program at 1 school, then after having to transfer, there wasn’t 1, & his teacher made him a supply boy & teacher’s aide for illiterate fellow 3rd-graders. In 4th-gr., he tested off the chart in reading (‘above 11th grade’), but the school (public, & supposedly accountable) wouldn’t give him a properly normed test. I asked repeatedly & then realized I was being given the run-around. So we started home-schooling him. But it was hard to find a suitable program. My husband eventually decided he liked 1 & took over that duty, while I chose what to do w/ our daughter. I taught her from classical books I found interesting, not 1 program. It went well b/c when we had the baby, we did have to put the older 1 in a set-up 6th-gr. program to save time, & she tested at or a little above gr.-lvl in everything, even though we had studied formally only math, Latin, & composition (also we had discussed a catechism, I had read her lives of saints, she had tested out of spelling & reading, & she has a lot of books about science & some about history).
That’s totally right about the tedium. Diapers, potty-training, tantrums, & putting away laundry. Well, I never fold anything, & lately haven’t gotten much put away. Also cleaning, but if I listen to music it’s not so bad. (Getting a free moment to clean, when I’m not feeling so sick, is the hard part.) Also dealing with a fussy toddler who can’t eat a lot of things. If she’s not cooperative, like putting on socks as in the article, then if it’s not important, like we don’t have to be anywhere, I’m pretty much hands-off. I keep her contained, in her stroller or high-chair if I have to cook or something, but usu. have her in our bdrm w/ the door shut, & hang out w/ her just making sure she doesn’t hurt herself, ruin stuff, or make a huge mess of the rm. She plays & gets a bit calmer. But if she won’t cooperate & we are about to go someplace, I hold her & wrestle the socks & shoes right on her. An uncooperative toddler making everyone late (so we’d miss a dr.’s appt or walk into church late) would be intolerably stressful. So I guess I try to do the least I can get by w/, & do it fast.
…的混乱。这2日可以overwh婴儿elming. 1st daughter doesn’t get much attention from me lately. Fortunately though they’re crazy about each other. (Son doesn’t really care about attention. ? Has a girlfriend, & is practically always at work (as a meatcutter), playing video games, or sleeping. Usu. when I see him, I’m cooking & thus try to get him to eat something substantial. Seems to subsist mainly on ramen, sriracha, chips/crisps…)
About other people’s babies, no, never want to hold them. Well, nobody asks anyway. It’s kind of like other people’s pets. Sure they’re cute & nice & whatever, but I don’t have any connection to them.Ourpets—ESTJ Rottweiler & I?F? English Bulldog (ISFJ actually, I think now, b/c of Fe), by the way—are the best pets to me, b/c they’re ours, we care about them most, they’re loyal to us, etc.Ourkids are the most beautiful & wonderful to me, b/c I believe God entrusted them to us. It would be super-awkward to me to try to close the distance to other people’s kids. I’d feel I was infringing on the parents’ domain, & might make the kids uncomfortable.
I guess I may be like Mathilda: unconventional, & so things are working out in the same way for us so far. I want us all to be best friends, wouldn’t want any kids to move far away, or even out of town, & want 1 to get married & that 1 & the spouse live w/ us. We live w/ my mother-in-law (ISFJ), b/c my father-in-law (IST?) died, we were moving away from my husband’s hometown, the steel-mill town was devastated by NAFTA, it was getting dangerous w/ feral pitbulls & gangs & murder & torture over drug debt & armed robbery, she was elderly & had cancer, & there wasn’t anyone there to take care of her. So of course we couldn’t leave her there. So we all moved away to live together in a peaceful town in Amish country. She likes being able to see her grandchildren all the time, we can help her w/ her health, she has privacy & quiet in her rm whenever she wants, she doesn’t have to try to maintain a house by herself or by having people come over, & she won’t end up in a nursing home. If she ever needs a nurse, we’ll have one come, like my husband got a hospice nurse for his father. That’s all what I want for myself when I’m old. Ifallthe kids moved away, I’d be lonely. It would betooquiet. So I want to have people around, but quiet when I need it. And I wouldn’t want them to have to do their own chores living at a different house, then have to spend their free time coming to my house to help me w/ chores, like some people do for their parents. Sounds inefficient & stressful. A nursing home sounds like hell on earth, esp. for an INTP. (My husband used to be a nurse & worked at one b/f we met so I’ve heard a bit about what happens.) No privacy—you have to have a ROOMMATE, a stranger, who could be a chattering extravert, a rude person, a person who watches annoying TV shows all day, a person who has visitors, a person who has to use a bedpan in the same rm… It smells bad there (well, possibly not to every INTP, but I’m super-sensitive to smells). You can’t have total darkness & quiet at night & that’s the only way I can sleep. Even going to a ‘retirement community’ means you have to leave your comfortable home you are used to, live in 1 that’s prob. not nearly as good, & have strangers around unnecessarily. Either way you’re vulnerable to abuse from uncaring people. (Yes, a family member could do that too, but it’s not so likely as from strangers, esp. if you bring your kids up right, & it’s extremely unlikely if there are several people in the family, so abuse would be too hard to hide.) So the nuclear family is totally overrated. Extended family is best I think, esp. for introverts. This is a big part of my purpose in life, making a family of people who all take care of each other & are friends together.
Something funny I noticed: I read instructions to new parents about colicky babies, that you may need to put the baby down in the crib & take a break. Both babies had colic. The 1st cried really hard for 4 hrs every day from 4 to 8 PM for several months. Nothing helped her. The 2nd didn’t have it as long, & didn’t always cry so hard, but still did some screaming & was highly agitated. Giving her a bottle (which normally she never liked) helped her some, but nothing helped all the way. 1 dr. told me about the 1st baby that I should lay her in her crib b/c I ‘couldn’t do anything else for her if she had colic’. So I laid her down & walked away, but thought, ‘This is crazy. She’s crying b/c she’s suffering. So I need to at least hold her. At least she won’t feel abandoned.’ So I went back & got her, & never did it again. I never had to take a break b/c I never got stressed over it, poss. b/c of my personality type. (Also b/c I wasn’t sick back then so I had tons of energy!) If my baby had any problem like colic, I knew the baby couldn’t help it, & I couldn’t help it (except for those bottles), so it would have been nonsensical to get upset myself. It was just a storm to weather. Not at all stressful to me, beyond noise, but adrenaline got me past the noise fine. When the baby gets older & figures out how to be defiant, that does get a little stressful. Then when this kid figures out how toargue,that’s when the major stress starts! ? …b/c the arguments are illogical & extra-emotional at that time! That’s when I have to say, ‘Go to your rm & come out when you’re ready to cooperate.’ Maybe nothing worse for an INTP than passionate illogic.
Greta (not verified)says...
我是一个凭,&我的丈夫是一个ISTJ。我们有一个是TP son (21), ISFP daughter (13), & our little girl (2½) might also be an INTP. Hard to tell at this age of course, but she’s almost certainly I b/c she’s quiet around people she doesn’t know well, & gets tired being around a lot of people for a couple of hrs, but at home, she’s very busy talking & running around most of the day. Prob. P b/c she doesn’t like schedules. She might need her nap almost any time of day. 3 days ago, she decided she didn’t want to go to breakfast, & took a nap instead. But 2 days ago, she couldn’t fall asleep until about dinnertime. And sometimes she can’t take a nap at all. Her bedtime takes hours b/c she’s so wound up, so I just put calming lullaby cartoons in a corner of the laptop & have her hang out w/ me until she falls asleep. The 13-yr-old as a baby hung out w/ me while I read books until she fell asleep at about 10 PM, regardless of how early I put her in the bed. She could, & the other can, sleep only in the bed w/ me. But about the rest, apparently S/N & T/F, they’re prob. exactly opposites:
13-yr-old…
2½-yr-old…
Some other observations…