我很感激我遇到这个搜索时佛r how ENFPs deal with stress. I have been under immense stress the past four years, when I married a man who is ISFJ personality type. We did not know each other well as we lived in different states and had met at a conference. I am in my 40s, and the first two years together were by far the most stressful years of my life. I felt like I didn’t even know if I was going to survive it. I have a child who I needed to put first. I don’t drink, and when I got to the point after two years where I was like I guess I’m just gonna have to be drunk every day to live this life with this person because all else has failed to be effective, I decided we had to move into separate places.
I felt like I was giving everything to this relationship, because he moved in and then decided immediately that he was not going to get a job in his field, like he told me, and he was just going to start his own business. And proceeded to do nothing for first six months because he had access to his retirement savings and spent that like crazy. So on top of what Felt like an arranged marriage, which is already very stressful figuring out how to live together with two different personality types, he decides to throw on top of that starting a business. But then didn’t take action, which drives ENFP nuts. I did the typical ENFP thing to just work harder and do more on my own to provide stability for the family, getting promoted twice at my company. The second time I promoted myself into a position that is really suited for an ISTJ just for the money. And I am still in that position two years later. So work causes me a lot of anxiety, and home life causes me a lot of anxiety as my husband says he doesn’t believe in having savings. So we had to get a legal divorce to protect my son’s and my future, though we are still together and love each other, and he is a very sweet stepfather and will take care of all kinds of little details around the house. (I bought us a house after the legal divorce) But I find I spend so much time being concerned how I am going to take care of him in his old age, since he is 16 years older than me. And he has no retirement savings now. And like someone else said, ENFPs just constantly wonder why the other person can’t look after them or care about what stresses them out or be supportive the way you do for them?
So this was very helpful as we are about to try therapy again and I have lashed out at him several times out of frustration that he just doesn’t seem to get how the only one thing I ask of him is to help provide some financial stability, even just put $75/month in savings, anything and he just hasn’t been willing to do this small thing in my mind, given all the sacrificing I have been willing to do for him to be able to do a business he finds fun and enjoyable. I am stressed every day at work because I am trying to save for two retirements now and support my son. ENFP jobs typically don’t pay well, as they tend to be in the helping profession as I used to work in before having a child, and loved my job. Because I’m too responsible, I will stay in the I STJ job until my son is grown at least. I am not capable of doing what my husband did without making sure the family was financially stable. I just would never do that and put others through that stress, and now I see here finally that I have to let go of feeling so hurt about this. Maybe other people just really are not capable of really knowing how their actions affect others even if they are repeatedly told?
无论如何,我要学习this and learn. I agree with the person who said don’t ask me to take a break when I am in the middle of trying to solve a crises. I won’t want to stop until it is resolved.
RR (not verified)says...
我很感激我遇到这个搜索时佛r how ENFPs deal with stress. I have been under immense stress the past four years, when I married a man who is ISFJ personality type. We did not know each other well as we lived in different states and had met at a conference. I am in my 40s, and the first two years together were by far the most stressful years of my life. I felt like I didn’t even know if I was going to survive it. I have a child who I needed to put first. I don’t drink, and when I got to the point after two years where I was like I guess I’m just gonna have to be drunk every day to live this life with this person because all else has failed to be effective, I decided we had to move into separate places.
I felt like I was giving everything to this relationship, because he moved in and then decided immediately that he was not going to get a job in his field, like he told me, and he was just going to start his own business. And proceeded to do nothing for first six months because he had access to his retirement savings and spent that like crazy. So on top of what Felt like an arranged marriage, which is already very stressful figuring out how to live together with two different personality types, he decides to throw on top of that starting a business. But then didn’t take action, which drives ENFP nuts. I did the typical ENFP thing to just work harder and do more on my own to provide stability for the family, getting promoted twice at my company. The second time I promoted myself into a position that is really suited for an ISTJ just for the money. And I am still in that position two years later. So work causes me a lot of anxiety, and home life causes me a lot of anxiety as my husband says he doesn’t believe in having savings. So we had to get a legal divorce to protect my son’s and my future, though we are still together and love each other, and he is a very sweet stepfather and will take care of all kinds of little details around the house. (I bought us a house after the legal divorce) But I find I spend so much time being concerned how I am going to take care of him in his old age, since he is 16 years older than me. And he has no retirement savings now. And like someone else said, ENFPs just constantly wonder why the other person can’t look after them or care about what stresses them out or be supportive the way you do for them?
So this was very helpful as we are about to try therapy again and I have lashed out at him several times out of frustration that he just doesn’t seem to get how the only one thing I ask of him is to help provide some financial stability, even just put $75/month in savings, anything and he just hasn’t been willing to do this small thing in my mind, given all the sacrificing I have been willing to do for him to be able to do a business he finds fun and enjoyable. I am stressed every day at work because I am trying to save for two retirements now and support my son. ENFP jobs typically don’t pay well, as they tend to be in the helping profession as I used to work in before having a child, and loved my job. Because I’m too responsible, I will stay in the I STJ job until my son is grown at least. I am not capable of doing what my husband did without making sure the family was financially stable. I just would never do that and put others through that stress, and now I see here finally that I have to let go of feeling so hurt about this. Maybe other people just really are not capable of really knowing how their actions affect others even if they are repeatedly told?
无论如何,我要学习this and learn. I agree with the person who said don’t ask me to take a break when I am in the middle of trying to solve a crises. I won’t want to stop until it is resolved.