I am a ESFJ and my partner is an INTJ. While I understand that you have to be straightforward in the conversation, I find it very difficult when I need to bring up something that bothers me. Already it takes a lot of strength to be able to shoot straight and express what and why it bothers me. However, the responses I get are simply, "that's a stupid reason to get upset". Even with trying to lay out concise and valid (at least in my opinion) points that support these actions or feelings, the dismissive behaviour when they don't "understand" or comprehend these feelings are what bothers me the most. Admittedly this would always cause an escalation of the matter because he thinks that I am acting irrationally and I think that he lacks empathy, or even just sympathy. I'm sure many people who look up and read this article are people who would want to position themselves to be able to understand an INTJ and are willing to alter some of their behaviours to ensure that communication are more effective. But while an INTJ can "understand" the other personality types, are they willing to alter their behaviour or tone so that they can meet half way with a personality type that is near opposite to them?
Obviously it's unfair that I am basing this on one INTJ but it's definitely frustrating and upsetting when you are someone who's goals and ambitions is what attracted the INTJ but when you need to slow down a bit to enjoy the hard work and things you have accomplished, the INTJ is still constantly pushing you to a degree where you feel worthless and that the accomplishments did not matter.
WY (not verified)says...
I am a ESFJ and my partner is an INTJ. While I understand that you have to be straightforward in the conversation, I find it very difficult when I need to bring up something that bothers me. Already it takes a lot of strength to be able to shoot straight and express what and why it bothers me. However, the responses I get are simply, "that's a stupid reason to get upset". Even with trying to lay out concise and valid (at least in my opinion) points that support these actions or feelings, the dismissive behaviour when they don't "understand" or comprehend these feelings are what bothers me the most. Admittedly this would always cause an escalation of the matter because he thinks that I am acting irrationally and I think that he lacks empathy, or even just sympathy. I'm sure many people who look up and read this article are people who would want to position themselves to be able to understand an INTJ and are willing to alter some of their behaviours to ensure that communication are more effective. But while an INTJ can "understand" the other personality types, are they willing to alter their behaviour or tone so that they can meet half way with a personality type that is near opposite to them?
Obviously it's unfair that I am basing this on one INTJ but it's definitely frustrating and upsetting when you are someone who's goals and ambitions is what attracted the INTJ but when you need to slow down a bit to enjoy the hard work and things you have accomplished, the INTJ is still constantly pushing you to a degree where you feel worthless and that the accomplishments did not matter.