Thank you so much for writing this. This is exactly how I feel. I decided to become a teacher in an urban school...and boy have I been miserable. I began by putting time and energy into my teaching. Trying to be engaging. When the behaviors of the students were continually disrespectful and "showed me" they didn't care, I lost my excitement (even though I knew exactly what to expect going in and that these kids need more love and care than others). I started not wearing makeup, putting off planning, missing meetings and coming in late about 6 weeks in. I am now in a state of apathy and desperation. I know the kids need me, but I have no desire to keep going as my self esteem has hit rock bottom. I am irritable, snappy, and sometimes mean to my students as I try to keep my head above water. On a few days I sat at my desk and just watched the chaos. I love kids, especially my age group. But my personality as an ENFP isn't meshing with the environment. I know I am at fault as the post said, but I always find external reasons.
We went on a trip to L.A. for a funeral and I felt so happy and invigorated during the change of scenery, and quickly became a depressed basketcase when I returned. I don't know how to make it better...my instinct is to pick up and move again like we seem to do every few years.
Christina G (not verified)says...
Thank you so much for writing this. This is exactly how I feel. I decided to become a teacher in an urban school...and boy have I been miserable. I began by putting time and energy into my teaching. Trying to be engaging. When the behaviors of the students were continually disrespectful and "showed me" they didn't care, I lost my excitement (even though I knew exactly what to expect going in and that these kids need more love and care than others). I started not wearing makeup, putting off planning, missing meetings and coming in late about 6 weeks in. I am now in a state of apathy and desperation. I know the kids need me, but I have no desire to keep going as my self esteem has hit rock bottom. I am irritable, snappy, and sometimes mean to my students as I try to keep my head above water. On a few days I sat at my desk and just watched the chaos. I love kids, especially my age group. But my personality as an ENFP isn't meshing with the environment. I know I am at fault as the post said, but I always find external reasons.
We went on a trip to L.A. for a funeral and I felt so happy and invigorated during the change of scenery, and quickly became a depressed basketcase when I returned. I don't know how to make it better...my instinct is to pick up and move again like we seem to do every few years.