First off, excellent analysis! I think you are spot on (at least with how romance works with me). As you alluded to in the first bullet, I also maintain that burning passion for romance, but keep it locked in tight within the constraints of reason and logic. A couple of things have helped me along the way which may be useful to others. The "romantic" stuff to someone is much easier for me to write than speak. (Naturally, I can edit what I write before they receive it). As my total interaction - especially with a new romantic interest - can be itemized as a series of "if, then" statements, writing frees me of some of the uncertainties (or the "I need to change tactics right now")of a conversation. And, especially when written by hand it can be romantic.
For a "date", I try to do something with them first before a dinner. Maybe a walk along the water with them or a visit to a zoo. This helps build conversation material that I can use to keep her from getting bored!
I chuckled at your comments in number 4. Basically, "Seek, find, and secure". Quite guilty. It is so much easier to just identify milestones and work toward them - changing only the conditions, but keeping the task and desired end state the same :-). You mean that doesn't work?
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and recognizing so much of the "don't dos" in me. So in light of that, as a follow-on (maybe the "day after Valentine's edition"?) you could write something that shows some ways the INTJ can best handle a break-up when they are not ready for one? I think logic and reason help us more than other personality types, but once that outer shell is pierced, it can be difficult to mend in a timely manner. It looks like I may need that!
Ted L (not verified)says...
Jayne -
First off, excellent analysis! I think you are spot on (at least with how romance works with me). As you alluded to in the first bullet, I also maintain that burning passion for romance, but keep it locked in tight within the constraints of reason and logic. A couple of things have helped me along the way which may be useful to others. The "romantic" stuff to someone is much easier for me to write than speak. (Naturally, I can edit what I write before they receive it). As my total interaction - especially with a new romantic interest - can be itemized as a series of "if, then" statements, writing frees me of some of the uncertainties (or the "I need to change tactics right now")of a conversation. And, especially when written by hand it can be romantic.
For a "date", I try to do something with them first before a dinner. Maybe a walk along the water with them or a visit to a zoo. This helps build conversation material that I can use to keep her from getting bored!
I chuckled at your comments in number 4. Basically, "Seek, find, and secure". Quite guilty. It is so much easier to just identify milestones and work toward them - changing only the conditions, but keeping the task and desired end state the same :-). You mean that doesn't work?
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and recognizing so much of the "don't dos" in me. So in light of that, as a follow-on (maybe the "day after Valentine's edition"?) you could write something that shows some ways the INTJ can best handle a break-up when they are not ready for one? I think logic and reason help us more than other personality types, but once that outer shell is pierced, it can be difficult to mend in a timely manner. It looks like I may need that!