Hi there, thanks for sharing this blog. I’m an ESTJ, raised in a loving Christian home. I’m a second generation believer and don’t remember not having Jesus in my world. I struggle with not having a huge conversion experience though. Now 41 and raising my own children. I feel as though my thinking self is a thorn. I always come back to questioning even if my last round of questioning was “settled”. I feel my thinking holds me back from fully believing or being as bold in my faith. Does anyone else feel this way?.
I experience faith as a knowing rather than a feeling. And when I do feel I question more where it is coming from. In some ways it’s harder to trust my feelings. Even though I enjoy the inspiration my feelings bring from time to time.
I like reading scripture but have found the gospels the most helpful because it brings me back in touch with Jesus. I often feel it missing if I’ve been focused on the epistles or Old Testament. I find myself needing the gospels to read the red words. This seems like a key for me.
Apologetics were helpful in my 20s but sometimes it seems like I still get thought in thinking loops. And I often wonder if something triggers thinking loops.
Anyway, thanks for the helpful insight. If nothing else it helps normalize my experience. I’ve feared not having a genuine faith because I struggle with doubt. I envision myself as Jacob was (a third generation Yahweh follower) wrestling m with God demanding a blessing of his own. And God finally giving him something of his own. Though the thorn feels painful I also feel it keeps me close to him, clinging - and in some cases wrestling - with my creator who made me this way. For good reason too. My discerning is strong and a gift - I do believe.
Jess Doughty (not verified)says...
Hi there, thanks for sharing this blog. I’m an ESTJ, raised in a loving Christian home. I’m a second generation believer and don’t remember not having Jesus in my world. I struggle with not having a huge conversion experience though. Now 41 and raising my own children. I feel as though my thinking self is a thorn. I always come back to questioning even if my last round of questioning was “settled”. I feel my thinking holds me back from fully believing or being as bold in my faith. Does anyone else feel this way?.
I experience faith as a knowing rather than a feeling. And when I do feel I question more where it is coming from. In some ways it’s harder to trust my feelings. Even though I enjoy the inspiration my feelings bring from time to time.
I like reading scripture but have found the gospels the most helpful because it brings me back in touch with Jesus. I often feel it missing if I’ve been focused on the epistles or Old Testament. I find myself needing the gospels to read the red words. This seems like a key for me.
Apologetics were helpful in my 20s but sometimes it seems like I still get thought in thinking loops. And I often wonder if something triggers thinking loops.
Anyway, thanks for the helpful insight. If nothing else it helps normalize my experience. I’ve feared not having a genuine faith because I struggle with doubt. I envision myself as Jacob was (a third generation Yahweh follower) wrestling m with God demanding a blessing of his own. And God finally giving him something of his own. Though the thorn feels painful I also feel it keeps me close to him, clinging - and in some cases wrestling - with my creator who made me this way. For good reason too. My discerning is strong and a gift - I do believe.
Thank you again!