"Make sure you give them some attention, too. Ask them about their life and interests once in a while; don’t always turn the conversation to you. And remember an INFJ goes through many days catering to other people, so while it’s great to ask their advice once in a while, it shouldn’t become a habit that defines your entire relationship with them.Make sure you give them some attention, too. Ask them about their life and interests once in a while; don’t always turn the conversation to you. And remember an INFJ goes through many days catering to other people, so while it’s great to ask their advice once in a while, it shouldn’t become a habit that defines your entire relationship with them."
So, while I do agree that I hate when things are one-sided and I feel like I'm giving the most attention to them while it's next to none from them, I absolutely disagree with there ever being too much advice for me to give. That's what makes me feel alive, useful, and worthwhile. What kind of a 'Counselor' (although talent development is specifically my passion) would I be if I was tired of giving advice? I moreso get upset when my advice doesn't feel valued. When I'm not who someone privately goes to to figure stuff out, and stuff is kept from me. It makes zero sense to me. I'm here for them, and I want to help carry their burdens. Granted, the exception to that is it being a burden I want to carry. Like I don't have the career I want yet, I'm still working to keep a roof over my head, so I couldn't care less what my work wants from me if they're just a means to an end. I don't care about making a place I don't care about better. I may get the temptation, or the urge to speak up or provide suggestions, but I ultimately decide it isn't worth it as where I am is only temporary. That's less so the case when it's a specific person, because if I want to get to know you, then there isn't a limit to the help I want to provide.
I'm also kind of confused about the being "extremely private" part. I'm only extremely private in the sense that if you want what you say to me to be lock shut, going with me to my death, you got it. However, I don't care if the government knows where I live, or if someone tries to get to know me. It's less about privacy, and more about feeling that my worth is what my worth is to others, so I don't care about my feelings or thoughts being understood. I moreso hate it when my intentions aren't trusted, or misunderstood. I feel like a lottery ticket that gains more value the more you utilize it, but nobody wants to take the chance. A couple have, but the trust has only gone so far since they're eggshell walkers in an industry of entertainment. As if no matter what I say, it's my inexperience that scares people off to where what I'm offering doesn't feel genuine or valued. Truthfully, I don't even know what the reason is, I can only guess. It does feel like an insult, but all it takes is giving me a chance and I'll forgive them for seeing little value in me.
Anyway, it always confuses me when INFJ are more emotional about their own personal feelings than I am as an INFJ, so just sharing my piece as to why that is. All I ever care about is being productive for who and what I care about. Not being valued is what slowly kills me.
Daveboy (not verified)says...
"Make sure you give them some attention, too. Ask them about their life and interests once in a while; don’t always turn the conversation to you. And remember an INFJ goes through many days catering to other people, so while it’s great to ask their advice once in a while, it shouldn’t become a habit that defines your entire relationship with them.Make sure you give them some attention, too. Ask them about their life and interests once in a while; don’t always turn the conversation to you. And remember an INFJ goes through many days catering to other people, so while it’s great to ask their advice once in a while, it shouldn’t become a habit that defines your entire relationship with them."
So, while I do agree that I hate when things are one-sided and I feel like I'm giving the most attention to them while it's next to none from them, I absolutely disagree with there ever being too much advice for me to give. That's what makes me feel alive, useful, and worthwhile. What kind of a 'Counselor' (although talent development is specifically my passion) would I be if I was tired of giving advice? I moreso get upset when my advice doesn't feel valued. When I'm not who someone privately goes to to figure stuff out, and stuff is kept from me. It makes zero sense to me. I'm here for them, and I want to help carry their burdens. Granted, the exception to that is it being a burden I want to carry. Like I don't have the career I want yet, I'm still working to keep a roof over my head, so I couldn't care less what my work wants from me if they're just a means to an end. I don't care about making a place I don't care about better. I may get the temptation, or the urge to speak up or provide suggestions, but I ultimately decide it isn't worth it as where I am is only temporary. That's less so the case when it's a specific person, because if I want to get to know you, then there isn't a limit to the help I want to provide.
I'm also kind of confused about the being "extremely private" part. I'm only extremely private in the sense that if you want what you say to me to be lock shut, going with me to my death, you got it. However, I don't care if the government knows where I live, or if someone tries to get to know me. It's less about privacy, and more about feeling that my worth is what my worth is to others, so I don't care about my feelings or thoughts being understood. I moreso hate it when my intentions aren't trusted, or misunderstood. I feel like a lottery ticket that gains more value the more you utilize it, but nobody wants to take the chance. A couple have, but the trust has only gone so far since they're eggshell walkers in an industry of entertainment. As if no matter what I say, it's my inexperience that scares people off to where what I'm offering doesn't feel genuine or valued. Truthfully, I don't even know what the reason is, I can only guess. It does feel like an insult, but all it takes is giving me a chance and I'll forgive them for seeing little value in me.
Anyway, it always confuses me when INFJ are more emotional about their own personal feelings than I am as an INFJ, so just sharing my piece as to why that is. All I ever care about is being productive for who and what I care about. Not being valued is what slowly kills me.