ENTP and INFJ Personalities: A Match Made in Heaven?

Clinically Reviewed bySteven Melendy, PsyD.on March 04, 2020

Have you ever met someone and felt like they absolutely, totally get you? That this person makes you feel alive and excited just by saying hello? If you’re anbob娱乐平台 (in the16 type system) who’s met anbob娱乐 , you’ll know exactly what I mean. Many people say thatENTP and INFJtypes are made for each other.

Are ENTJ and INFJ personalities really a perfect match?

But aren’t ENTP personality types fun-loving, gregarious Extraverts? And INFJ personalities are sensitiveIntrovertswho hate small talk? How is this match possible? Is this unlikely pair really a match made in heaven, or do their opposing traits ultimately create more rancor than romance?

Let’s take a look.

Intuitives attract…but who can get a word in edgewise?

As twointuitivestogether, ENTPs and INFJs can do what they both love best—engaging in deep, meaningful conversations. Both types think and view the world in abstract, and talking about ideas and possibilities, instead of just facts, details and events, is like catnip to these two. They just can’t get enough.

As an INFJ who’s dated an ENTP, I’d spend evenings talking with my partner about psychology, history, politics, and religion and it was thrilling. Nerdy, yes, but thrilling.

Everyone knows that ENTPs love to talk and share their ideas. Perhaps more than any other type, INFJs are brilliant at listening and engaging with those ideas, as well as keeping the ENTP on track. This can make their conversations, and their relationship, an exciting meeting of the minds. When they’re talking to each other, you can almost literally see the sparks flying!

Problems arise when the ENTP wants their INFJ introverted partner to open up more than they feel able to do. The INFJ, on the other hand, might struggle to get a word in edgewise in conversations with the enthusiastic ENTP. While sharing ideas is a great quality of the ENTP, it might be a bit too much of a good thing for the quieter, more inward-looking INFJ.

There’s mutual trust ...but a conflicting emotional style

INFJs like people they can trust deeply and who can really see all their layers. And, although they have a harder time opening up themselves, ENTPs love to look at things in-depth while their confidence provides reassuring moral support. In other words, these types can really see and support each other.

INFJs also love to make people feel better and are authentic, insightful people who can see past a facade—another way they help ENTPs to be themselves. This generates the kind of trust that makes them want to live in the woods if it means they can be together.

The pressure point comes from their conflicting emotional style. INFJs are one of Keirsey’s Idealist types. They value human connection, trust their intuition and value compassion over material things. The INFJ is interested in the way things affect people, and has the emotional intelligence to deal with those events.

Known as the Inventor, ENTPs are one of Keirsey’s Rational types. They trust logic and practicality and are focused on problem-solving and systems analysis. Conflicts can arise when the ENTP thinks their INFJ partner is too emotional and impractical, and the INFJ feels the ENTP is cold and distant.

夫妻play together, stay together…but one of them needs space

Outgoing ENTPs can encourage theintroverted INFJto be more social. Conversely, the INFJ can help the ENTP to slow down and take some time to reflect. They may need to set boundaries about how much time they spend socialising versus spending quiet time alone, but they are always helping each other grow. Ultimately, the ENTP’s spontaneity can make life so fun and exciting for INFJs, it feels like magic.

Where things get explosive is the need for recharge time. As Extraverts, ENTPs are energized by spending time with people, and INFJs recharge with time alone. This pairing may have some interesting arguments about how to spend their time, especially when either or both of them are under stress. It can be difficult for ENTPs to recognise that INFJs aren’t necessarily shy. They actually enjoy being alone!

They make smart decisions together...but clash over routines

The INFJ likes to make plans and establish a routine, keep things organised and finish what they start. They tend to be serious and goal-oriented, while the ENTP is usually happy to let them take the reins while they take a more relaxed approach to life. They may be different in their P and J preferences, but in this case, opposites attract. These types are capable of making some really smart decisions together, striking a nice balance between getting a decision made and sleeping on it to make sure the decision is the right one.

But then, the INFJ is all about honoring commitments, while the ENTP can become bored with routine. Problems can develop if the INFJ becomes too controlling and set in their ways, or the ENTP changes plans at the last minute or fails to recognise schedules. The ENTP can seem unmotivated or even lazy to the hard-working INFJ, while the ENTP can see their INFJ partner as uptight, restrictive and just no fun.

Fun is a vital relationship component for the freewheeling ENTP, so if these types can’t find ways to play and relax together, the relationship could soon hit the rocks.

The final word

Despite their differences, INFJ and ENTPbob平台有哪些 can give each other one of the most important things in a relationship—feeling understood. Because they both like to think about and discuss ideas, they feel connected to each other and understood in themselves, yet still have endless possibilities for learning, discussion and personal development.

No relationship comes without obstacles and challenges to overcome, but if an INFJ and ENTP are lucky enough to meet, they will likely find someone who is a mind mate, a soul mate, and someone who will help them be the best they can be.

Deborah Ward

Deborah Ward is a writer and an INFJ. She has a passion for writing articles, blog posts and books that inspire, motivate and encourage people to build self-confidence and live up to their potential. She has written two books on mindfulness,Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with MindfulnessandOvercoming Fear with Mindfulness. Her latest book,Sense and Sensitivity, is based on herPsychology Todayblog of the same name. It's about highly sensitive people and is out now. Deborah lives in Hampshire, England, where she enjoys watching documentaries, running and taking long walks in the country, especially ones that finish at a cosy pub.

More from this author...
About the Clinical Reviewer

Steven Melendy, PsyD., is a Clinical Psychologist who received his doctorate from The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. He specializes in using evidence-based approaches in his work with individuals and groups. Steve has worked with diverse populations and in variety of a settings, from community clinics to SF General Hospital. He believes strongly in the importance of self-care, good friendships, and humor whenever possible.

Comments

LK (not verified)says...

As an INFJ, I have struggled with many ENTPs in my life. I actually don't feel like I've connected well with them while they seem to love my personality type. I had a boss who was ENTP and he wanted to debate everything, which isn't good in a leadership position. I often felt I had to take the lead in policy making, but yet I wasn't getting paid the higher salary. My partner (ISTJ) also seems to have many ENTP friends, and they all love talking with me. But after awhile, I am utterly exhausted. I feel like I can out-argue them, provide counter-points they didn't even think about, and they get excited. I like that I can debate with them and they don't get offended by my ideas. But they want to continue the discussion forever as they work out stuff. I seriously can't imagine a romantic relationship with them. I also feel many ENTPs I have met lack general empathy. So I don't see the real benefit I get from them besides a good dialogue (that just isn't enough to sustain a relationship for me).

PlantJay (not verified)says...

As an INFJ, I came to the comments to say the same thing :)

Wellerz (not verified)says...

Careful there haha as a fellow INFJ I'm very good at reading between the lines of your comment... Your covert narcissist tendencies are showing ;)

Hess (not verified)says...

It's literally their exprience with people they personally know there is nothing narcissist about it.

Justsaying (not verified)says...

It is incredibly judgmental and completely inconsiderate about they experience of the other persons involved. "They like my ideas so much that they constantly want to discuss with me although I myself feel so tired."

它通常是不能容忍的INFJ的人having opinions that seem at a first glance to contradict their values and it then usually also is the INFJ that feels the need to convince the other person to see things in the same way. INFJ are constantly on the quest to improve the world in the way they think it should be improved. They forget that values are subjective and that their good is not neccessarily the good of someone else. I think in INFJ it is an important part of their maturing path that they need to understand that their morals are not neccessarily the right ones although they might FEEL right.

If they don't, they turn into terrible narcissists because they loose empathy in their projections of how an ideal wolrd should look like and by that they forget that people are people. They then act like god-like creatures that have forgotten that hukans are humans and punish and fight them in wrath.

QuinnG (not verified)says...

As an ENTP who experienced this from my beloved INFJ of three decades, I concur. He began to tell me that I needed to submit and obey him because God was giving him revelation ... He entered his own idealistic world so thoroughly that he lost touch with reality and my distinct separateness as a human being. Really horrifying and traumatic :(

Lolly Poppy (not verified)says...

I have to disagree. What you're describing sounds much more like an INFP.

When someone expresses an opinion that contradicts my values, I find it very intriguing. At worst, I might be slightly more skeptical than I typically would be? But it makes for colorful conversation and I'm genuinely curious about their reasoning. A good opportunity for intellectual growth.

Also, that's the thing about INFJs. We don't base arguments off of how we 'feel' about things. How one feels about a particular thing is often affected by frivolous details. Such as the weather, or the themes being explored in a TV show that one is currently watching. How an INFJ actually 'feels' about something is often irrelevant. It's more about cold inductive perception, than it is about anything else.

And when someone won't stop enthusiastically prompting you to continue a conversation, literally for hours...? I think it's extremely unreasonable to claim that a person is narcissistic for becoming fatigued by that. In fact, the only reason it's even an issue for the INFJ, is because the INFJ is a people-pleaser who will keep going long after they wish to stop. It isn't an issue of narcissism..., it's simply an issue of having healthy boundaries. ?♀️

Kittyblossom (not verified)says...

You've described an INFP, not INFJ. Personal values is related to Fi, not Ti. It is the INFPs who push others into believing the same thing as they do. INFJs on the other hand, will agree with you, but they'd like to explain things logically and with facts.

Kittyblossom (not verified)says...

*they'd like you to

Jaime89 (not verified)says...

你发生了什么?原来的已经看到r made no mention about disagreements or having differences in values, just that ENTP's can be exhausting (probably in their extraversion) and indecisive. You're reading into something that isn't even there, and then branding a stranger a narcissist based on nothing. Isn't that a bit judgmental and rigid? For goodness sakes, we're ALLOWED to find certain types of people exhausting without being narcissists. Jeez.

Justsaying (not verified)says...

I completely agree. I am just dating an ENTP and while I agree on the oversharing and exhausting discussions of some ENTP I have met in the past, I can confirm that, if they have matured a bit and values have developed into a similar direction in both types, it is a pleasure to talk and exchange ideas with them. Unmet smoothnes and understanding, pure comfort and safety, while still being interesting and fun.

But yes, INFJ are terribly prone to being among the worst narcissists. Idealism together with empathy but projections instead of true seeing can turn them into nightmare companions and yes, then they constantly argue and discuss with everyone...

Justsoyouknow (not verified)says...

ENTPs are actually the worst covert narcisists. INFJs may seem like they are narcisisstic, but in reality the INFJ is the one that can't help but mold into the personality type that they are dealing with. Makes sense for dealing with ENTPs then...food for thought.

Wellerz (not verified)says...

PS ENTPs are awesome!

JayNo (not verified)says...

有趣的见解……我嫁给了一个外向you're right; they can definitely come across as being unempathtic but I think it's more because they are more thinkers rather than feelers and value logic more than emotions so when they talk, they don't really think about what they are saying in terms of emotions-- I like to call it "word vomit". But I don't think they're cold, naturally-- otherwise they couldn't keep friendships and they are HUGE in that department. Also, if you're extremely introverted and they're extremely extroverted-- that could be a deal breaker. Luckily, I'm married to someone who has a balance in this department-- he's almost an introvert on the scale and this helps us have a healthy middle ground. Everything in this match is pretty accurate for us. We are pretty crazy about each other lol.

Wellerz (not verified)says...

ENTPs are rarely "hugely" extroverted. They are the most introverted of the extroverts and in a lot of cases can come across more introverted than an INFJ.

NT (not verified)says...

People don't understand introversion and extroversion. Somehow people think being extroverted means you're loud and want to party when it's just a point of view. Introverted people exist inside themselves like a turtle living in a shell. This is why INFJ's have issues with ENTP's. An ENTP is able to go inside themself with introverted thinking and see the external world for what it is which is why when there's a misunderstanding betwen and INFJ and and ENTP, it's always the ENTP's fault for not remembering INFJ's aren't rational and can't get out of their own head.

Hess (not verified)says...

We are all human and therefore capable of both rationality and irrationality, this is a huge misunderstanding of how T/F relationships work and what rational acutally means.

INFJs use introverted thinking and are therfore capable of rational and are the most rational of Feeler types, using Ti. This is why they match well with xNTPs, this does not mean that all of us should have a connection because of MBTI that is unreasonable.

ENTPs are capable of being irrational and non-factual about issues they're debating, that's not to say that they are not smart but it's to validate the fact that they're only human.

In addition, it's also wrong of people to assume ENTPs to be callous people because they have inferior Fe that can develop well, and be compassionate.

This is human flaw that we all have and has nothing to do with Type.

Mallory O. (not verified)says...

I just want to point out that while yes, we ENTPs can be irrational and non-factual about issues we're debating, we are very much aware of it when we do. At least, I am. I do it intentionally from time to time in order to experience what it feels like to be silly. (It's boring to make sense all of the time. Variety is the spice of life!) Therefore, we are rationally debating irrationally. Or irrationally debating rationally. There's an interesting paradox for you! Are we human or not? ;) :)

Justsaying (not verified)says...

What do you mean by "not being able of getting ot of our heads"? Is solipsism generally a "I" driven characteristic? Do you think that I-types naturally see the world less for what it is but more in a way that is resulting from the projections of their own ideas?

It is a really interesting relation and maybe explains why introverts turn narcissist so easily. My personal experience is that the more difficult it is for people to understand that other human beings motivations can be different from their own motivations the less empathic they are the more different the other person is.

Lunepurr (not verified)says...

I'm an INFJ and my significant other is an ENTP, sometimes he can come across as having a lack of empathy but it's more usually due to him coming up with ways to fix the problem than feel sorry for someone about it. He's a do'er and a fixer while I waddle around feeling bad and sorry and being emotional support. It works out wonderfully. He knows how to get me out of my head, he can seem narcissistic to people who don't know better, as for me, my confidence is lacking, so no narcisissm here. :P

Holly0127 (not verified)says...

I'm 100 percent extraverted entp. My best relationships intj or infj. Having heard these complaints through out life, one can make a constant effort to recognize and explain, apologize. Let someone know upfront your downfalls

Felicity77 (not verified)says...

I feel like you could be talking about my husband and I haha (Me= INFJ/ENFJ Him ENTP/INTP) it rarely gets old <3

But OH MAN he would debate just for the sake of it, and loves talking waaaay more than I do. Which means I end up doing more listening than talking, but as long as I get to say what I want to say, and know that I am heard, that's okay. But we have a good connection. I don't know anyone like him, but in the best possible way.

Jamil Aziz (not verified)says...

Thanks for understanding :-),

Sincerely,

An empathetic ENTP

Kathryn Humphrey (not verified)says...

I'm an ENTP.. we don't care if you connect with us. We are ok without the bullshit.

nick baker (not verified)says...

what she said

Hess (not verified)says...

It's ok make excuses for yourself.

Hess (not verified)says...

It's not about connection with everyone for INFJs, because of Fe we are decent towards people and care about giving everyone a good exprience.

If we meet and get along that does not mean the INFJ is crazy about you, it's just the way we are; friendly and distant but unbothered about the fact if we have a connection with someone or not, because mostly that's a Myth about INFJs sometimes most people annoy us, and we wouldn't want to be around anyone at all let alone the ENTP.

I'm not sure what you mean by bullshit.

Bart Dubai (not verified)says...

Hmm I'm sorry to hear that you've found the ENTP'ers in your life to be unempathic. I think that there are some ways in which ENTP and INFJ are just so different that it's hard for us to interpret each other in the correct way. Because an INFJ would think "if I would act this way, it would mean this" and vice versa.
But ENTP'ers are really good at growth... so if you capture and ENTP'ers heart and you let him know what you are missing, they will go above and beyond to develop. As opposed to INTJ we are good at handling critisism as long as we feel that it's coming from a good place from someone who cares for us and not someone who wants to put us down.

Bart Dubai (not verified)says...

I forgot to mention that I find INFJ women the most beautiful and miraculous beings in the universe...
And I would be happy spending the rest of my life figuring out every layer of them...

Artin (not verified)says...

I'd like to change your mind :)

Jooo (not verified)says...

It takes time to learn and become a mature, best version of ENTP.

Brian Supple (not verified)says...

Hey! I am an ENTP and I think I'm very empathetic. I don't always act like I am but I am. I mean understanding other people is generally our thing. I do willingly admit we can be aggravating, exhausting, and we push buttons just to see what happens so that might be what comes across as a lack of empathy. It's not! We just lack that filter.. What other people who aren't ENTP don't realize is MOST of us had a rough childhood. It's hard to be that kid who questions everything and pushes buttons because not everyone realizes that we are generally just curious. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I needed to change my attitude or that I have a problem with authority I'd be one wealthy dude. Sadly, I feel like my niece is leaning toward being ENTP (being her mother is also an ENTP) and you better believe this ENTP is not letting that kind of s#!t stand. She's not going to be made to feel lesser or wrong just because of how her brain is wired... I thinks that's pretty empathetic.. Perhaps some pre-empathy ;-)

Thomas_INFJ (not verified)says...

I have noticed over the years that this "ideal" compatibility largely comes down to how healthy and growth driven the INFJ is. ENTPs need somebody who is willing to grow with them and take personal responsibility for themselves. Many immature or unhealthy INFJs are simply not willing to do this. ENTPs are sometimes blunt and harsh but they are generally willing to tone things down and change if their behaviour hurts someone they care about. A "fixed" mindset INFJ is not. This is where the problem tends to lie.

Forever stuck in the "victim mentality" these types of INFJs will never accept any wrongdoing on their part and will always shift blame to the other partner. I'm not necessarily even referring to ENTPs here but to any other type they are partnered with. I have always felt that most INFJs will struggle with long-term relationships far more than any other type. ENTPs generally do not have this problem. Their problem is that they feel stifled and bored with their partners and therefore run for the hills to embrace their freedom. ENTPs fall in love with the complex mind of the INFJ. We are a never ending labyrinth for them and so they do not get bored. This is why, at our best, we are perfect for them. But, we need to allow them to be free in the same way we need to be allowed to be alone.

The lesson to take home if you're an INFJ is that you need to start owning your shit. Stop viewing yourself as a perpetual victim of the world (no matter how bad things have been for you) and start working and changing yourselves. The world is not going to "accept you for who you are" and your romantic partners will not stick with you if they feel they are constantly walking on eggshells with you.

One of the reasons the ENTP is the ideal match for us is because ENTPs generally already have this mindset down by the time they reach adulthood. Everything you need for yourselves can be found in the ENTP. Similarly, everything the ENTP needs can be found in you (if you are healthy that is).

When the INFJ starts to take ownership for their own faults and makes a strong and decisive commitment to change, that's when they are ready for the ENTP. At this point the pair is simply unstoppable and both parties will have the understanding and relationship they desire. I've seen this happen many times and it even happened to me.

Until then, the INFJ will continue to feel "misundertood" and that the world is "against them". They will feel torn, being split between feeling “special” and “entitled” for greatness on the one hand yet feeling “worthless” and “ugly” on the inside. Don't let this be you forever.

I believe in every INFJ out there, don't dismiss what I am saying. I was there once but I decided to commit to change.

Yours truly,

Thomas (Another INFJ)

G2 (not verified)says...

Thank you for genuine help. I'm currently torn between that split...it's like a whirlpool...I was lost here..not able to understand...thank you for your guidance.

路易丝INFJ(未验证)says...

Thank you, I can verify this! It made me see things more clearly about me and a male ENTP-friend I have. He is very blunt and harsh when he (quite truthfully, because I am an "unhealthy INFJ") points out my faulths, but he has toned down the criticism when he noticed my emotional response, and he has several times shown an unusual amount of patientience and tolerance when it comes to some of my faults. According to common friends, he really is unusually tolerant toward me, as he normally does not allow people to explain themselwes or give them new chances after having done similar things as I have. This all goes very well with what you say above.

I can identifiy a difference between the dynamics with an ENTP and an ENFP; while the ENFP balances the INFJ, and have a tolerance that are - I feel - more emotionally secured, the ENTP stimulates the INFJ, and his tolerance is much more... conditional: the INFJ feels she can trust the tolerance of the ENFP to last, but that the tolerance of the ENTP is not eternal, but comes with the condition to chance. The ENTP, while they do have as strong feelings and almost as strong intuition as INFJ, does not allow themselwes to be ruled by them, and when they have gone against their principles enough to show tolerance in a situation they normally would'nt, simply because they care, then they expect a similar effort from the other party.

Thomas_INFJ (not verified)says...

This is why I often say ENFPs make great friends for INFJs but poor lovers. The ENFP will often become an enabler for the unhealthier aspects of an INFJ. An ENTP will not enable anything. Not in a million years. This is actually good for an INFJ.

I wouldn't necessarily say an ENTPs tolerance is "conditional". It is conditional only if you refuse to engage with them logically. As long as you can rationally explain your point of view the ENTP is the actually the most tolerant of all the MBTI types. They are extremely non-judgmental and forgiving. The problem is most INFJs prioritise their feelings before facts when dealing with life's problems. Big mistake. ENTPs are actually incredibly caring and empathetic (I'd say genuinely moreso than ENFPs). When they hide their emotions behind a wall they are actually being extremely selfless in that they don't want to ruin anyone elses experience. They often put the happiness of others before themselves. People often mistake this for "coldness".

"The ENTP, while they do have as strong feelings and almost as strong intuition as INFJ, does not allow themselwes to be ruled by them, and when they have gone against their principles enough to show tolerance in a situation they normally would'nt, simply because they care, then they expect a similar effort from the other party."

Of course. Why shouldn't they expect similar effort? That's called healthy give and take. We INFJs are actually far worse when it comes to our expectations of other people. We are hypocrites in that we demand near-perfecion of everyone else yet can not hold ourselves to that same standard. Something we all need to address.

NT (not verified)says...

听起来像所有的INFJ需要这工作to be self actualized. ENTPs go through this process and become either button pushers seeking positive growth ready to challenge and change the world around them or manipulative trolls. If you're an INFJ who has a manipulative troll ENTP, you can actually force them to change for the better and if they don't immediately leave them, but if you have an ENTP who doesn't maniplulate you and you're not self actualized you're going to lose the only partner who genuinely cares about you.

JaredMP007 (not verified)says...

You may never see this, but THANK YOU for this! Going through this with an infj now, wondering if she's ever going to get it! Complains about her lot but is unwilling to stop the self destructive behavior for more than a week! You know it's bad if I (an ENTP) have to be proactively showing more empathy & compassion. She's 3 years older as well..

Nonie INFJ (not verified)says...

Your maturity excites me! Your comments have been absolutely spot on.

Kanza (not verified)says...

This is the advice i needed. Honestly I'm sick of texts saying that INFJs are misunderstood and don't belong. I want to try to belong. I want to grow up. Your words made me think a lot. Thank you!

NT (not verified)says...

Honestly this probably only works out if the INFJ is female but you're 100% correct.

Iman (not verified)says...

This is beautiful! Thank you!

GS (not verified)says...

Exactly this. As an ENTP thank you for posting this.

山姆anthasays...

As an ENTP who struggles with relationships, I have come to believe that all that matters in finding a suitable, long lasting relationship is someone who has looked at their shit, and is able to continue developing. And I agree, the person must be "somebody who is willing to grow with them and take personal responsibility for themselves." I think once someone of any type has really has done sufficient personal development work will be great relationship material, although I hadn't considered the difference between an unhealthy and healthy INFJ. (Side note, I do seem to attract a lot of INFJ friends...).

You are right, we are some of the most open minded types of the 16 (so open that we struggle to stick to an opinion or perspective, especially if our partner wants something else. We can adapt too far if we aren't healthy).

So thank you Thomas for sticking up for ENTP's!
山姆antha

Becca/ INFJ (not verified)says...

This was insightful and what I have been doing without even knowing or understanding that I was. I just found out my type tonight and I have been actively working on myself (in seclusion Ofcourse ?) the last 2 years.. what you say is accurate. I did need to grow. I will say my test came out 58% INFJ and 42% INFP.. I wonder if this has anything to do with my willingness almost need for growth.

Zinmar(INFJ) (not verified)says...

U gave many answers that I was looking for my ENTP & myself. Thanx for sharing these wonderful soul feeding insights.

Slee X (not verified)says...

I've dated an INFJ and have an INFJ sister, and tbh this sounds like a textbook INFP.

I dated an INFP that had exactly all these problems and was too passive to change anything about himself. He'd rather mope. All the INFJ I know are too proactive to stay that way for long. Are you certain you're referring to them?

Melvyna (not verified)says...

这让我更了解INFJs !I'm a female ENTP but for some reason most people tell me I come across as very similar to an ENFP. I actually have never been romantically attracted to an INFJ before (due to the lack of people around me who even know about MBTI) but I would love to have meaningful and "validating" conversations about emotions and all other kinds of abstract topics. I'm pretty close on the Thinking-Feeling scale, so I kind of have more Fe than the average ENTP. Although most of the time I actively try to use my Fe and notice when the "feelers" around me need comforting, it's honestly kind of draining to feel like having to "walk on eggshells" when talking to them, and that is something I don't want to have to constantly do in a romantic relationship. But this has told me how important it is to validate INFJs and give them self-confidence as well as urging them to improve themselves.

AthenaDiamond (not verified)says...

As an ENTP who's dating an INFJ, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this thorough yet extremely accurate comment. I sincerely thought I was starting to lose my mind but I am relieved to read that he's not the only INFJ with those toxic traits.

How in hell do I motivate him to grow out of his victim role, to see the world for what it is instead of the one he has inside his mind?

I am literally hanging by threads, exhausted to the core and I really don't know how to handle this any longer. I have tried to reach him in various ways and I simply can't be bothered fighting anymore since I'm literally drained.

Do you have any advice for me on how to handle this, please?

Many thanks from Belgium!

Ana - ENTP

Blackreef123 (not verified)says...

I fell madly in love with an INFJ man, we became friends and kept in contact for a year. There was obvious signs of chemistry and those feelings became so intense that it made me question my love for my 3 year long partner, an INFP. I love my INFP partner and I know that realistically nothing will come of a relationship with the other man but I have never felt my heart beat out of my chest and feel so understood by someone. I'm not a hopeless romantic but a realist, but he made me feel so deeply because we connected so deeply. - - - an ENTP female

NT (not verified)says...

If I was your partner I'd want you to leave me immediately. You said you fell madly in love with an INFJ man, kept in contact for a year then questioned your 3 year long relationship with your partner. That's not healthy rational ENTP behaviour and you broke any kind of trust you had with your partner whether he knows or not. ENTP women def differ from ENTP men. An ENTP male just wouldn't do this or would have rationalized this action and not feel guilty about it like you do.

Amelia Rose (not verified)says...

I agree, all the types are going to be very different depending on the gender of the person in question. But I don't necessarily think it's correct to assume ENTP women are okay with cheating but ENTP men would never be. I don't really know what the basis for that conclusion is. I'm an ENTP woman, and I have no patience or sympathy for cheaters. Being an ENTP woman doesn't prevent me from knowing evil when I see it- or at least having firm moral values as opposed to never making up my mind. I'm open to having my mind changed if people disagree and think cheating is no biggie, but I'm pretty sure I'm right ?

Iman (not verified)says...

Any book or online resource recommendation for self development to become a healthy infj?

syl :) (not verified)says...

this explains so much, I'm an INFJ and my crush all throughout highschool was an ENTP- he and I are still friends and I really love conversations with him.

Hess (not verified)says...

I Think I am more of a mature, and well developed INFJ with high Ti because I'm a 5w6 and My husband an ENTP 6w7. Our compatibilaity is almost perfect but not entirley, obviously no relationship is without conflict I understand that now.

I am more of an INFJ that is close in personality to INTJ, and my husband in more an ENTP who is close in personlity with INTP sometimes, we have a balance of us being both intoverted and extorverted (ambiverted).

Here are the Pros:

1- We can discuss anything and everything. His Te compliments my Ti very well; we have topics of interest in common in politics, history, theology and our general outlook on life.

2- Neither of us are callous human beings and we both have a good balance of compassion.

3- Sex is amazing, since I'm a Type 5 I could safley say that I am a more adventrous INFJ in this department.

4- We know how to spend time together as much as time apart, because a good relationship requires both parties to have their own interests to keep everything exicting.

Cons:

1- When we argue, we can both be very harsh to each other, and neither of us wants to back down because we are stubborn; however we have figuered a way to discuss things more openly then let it become ugly and us still being mad at each other for a long time.

2- He hates that I keep myself gaurded sometimes, because he likes to get it out in the open and I like to process it before saying anything but he has since understood that this is my way, and he should give me time to open up to him because I'm not hiding anything from him.

3- He can be distant which I hate, and so I in turn have to tell him to snap out of it and be with me.

In conclusion, we do have a good marriage for better or for worse, and I have doorslammed him into our marriage in the past because we had a rough patch for about a Year, then we later re-connected and worked things out.

He is more comfortable about his Fe now in his 30s, and I in my Mid 20s am comfortable with my Ti and conflict because it is not a big deal since issues do have a way of working themselves out. ( Also, disclaimer I mean the type of conflict that is not abusive or toxic).

Hess (not verified)says...

I realize the spelling mistakes because I typed so quickly.*****

Kathleeninfj (not verified)says...

As an INFJ I'm bored with this discussion. Talk, talk doesn't prove anything. Let there be a mystical revelation of truth or an utterly beautiful proof to base the discussion on and I'll return.

Ajane Celestin (not verified)says...

Get out of here with this bullshit. People like you is why INFJs look bad.

Kathleeninfj (not verified)says...

As an INFJ I'm bored with this discussion. Talk, talk doesn't prove anything. Let there be a mystical revelation of truth or an utterly beautiful proof to base the discussion on and I'll return.

INFJBEAR (not verified)says...

I met this same sex ENTP at work and she's the first ENTP I've come acrossed. I'm usually very easily attracted to ENFPs so it was very interesting to me how I'm just as easily attracted to this ENTP girl, but in a different way. I found ENFPs effortlessly charming and fun to be with. But with this ENTP, I found myself wanting to cover for her imperfections (?). I talk more when she's around and constantly make sarcastic criticisms about her but she does not take offend at all, and that in turn made me open up so much quicker and easier.

I really thought I could let this person into my inner circle but unfortunately I'm just too easily offended, I guess. I've always found her to lack empathy but I understood that her actions and words do not come from a bad place. That is until there was this specific thing I said I would be really mad if she does it, and she did it anyway to satisfy her own curiosity. She gave a half hearted apology and I was furious. I realised that this person does not know when to take things seriously. Because she was not offended by any of my criticisms, she also did not care to take them to heart or think of them as constructive.

I couldn't see how an extreme overthinker like me could ever get along with such an unempathetic person again and I did what I did best, cutting people off. What's funny is she doesn't even realise that I've stopped talking to her or even look her in the eye ever since.

ENTP av (not verified)says...

As someone who is a entp and constantly aware that I start arguments with my friends for fun I don't think your friend was trying to be as insensitive as you think. I am someone who can't understand why someone else feels so emotional about something. I never go to cry to a friend or think about going to express myself emotionally. My best friend told me how she was angry I always made something a competition and unfortunately I would be curious too to see someone's reaction to something if they said they would get offended. For me I have only gotten really angry once at someone other than that everything would blow over the next day. I think she was testing your limits and doesn't realize your not talking to her because she doesn't get the extent of your anger.

Entp w/strong F (not verified)says...

我想我需要建议。我遇到了一个了不起的Infj online, we have been connecting for a month now. I have been with many of the wrong women for me (I'm 27) so Im at a point where if i date someone I can usually tell if its going to work out and my dating usuallly lasts about 2 or 3 weeks because I'm picky and i get bored if it doesnt feel right i want it all because if i dont have it all my mind will wander!!! I cant just have the mental stimulation I need affection and I need to feel loved and understood. With her I feel all of these things just through our phone calls and texts, but theres a potential dillema. I have two sons and I havent told her about them how do I tell her this? Should i wait for a right moment she lives really far away from me we havent even met yet please This woman makes me feel like she is the one and she doesnt even try... Do i even have a chance still?

You are clearly not an ENTP (not verified)says...

ENTPs are generally confident and creative to a fault with a heavy emphasis on avoiding incompetence.

You sir either have a traumatic brain injury or you are not an ENTP. Seeking advice online when you should be addicted to problem solving is a non starter.

Nothing wrong with not being an ENTP. You definitely are not one though.

Slee X (not verified)says...

Person who told this other person they're not an ENTP - You're an idiot lol.

Mysteel (L) Mills (not verified)says...

Im an INFJ and despise the ENTP's Ive met. They debate everything making one feel invalidated. Frustrating people. Match made in heaven? No way that can be true.

ENTP-A EXTRA EXTROVERTED (not verified)says...

I am so far out there on the extroverted scale its not funny, I actually had to get checked for ADHD or being on the spectrum because I get zero social anxiety and I enrgise through socialising. INFJs seem to trigger a fever inside me sometimes without even formally knowing they are INFJ I can just tell, as an ENTP we are too much sometimes and need to learn some self restraint in dialling back our fevour. The INFJ think we are cold and too logical but for all the INFJs out there hear this one piece of advice. If you connect and build something with us, meet us half way in keeping life lively social and fun, we will take over the world for you, or at least work to achieve happiness as you see it for you, we are the most loyal and dedicated friends and partners and will defend you to the literal death. Our loyalty and friendship is a powerful thing to us. We just need to know it is as valued. The disconnect is where and how we see it to an INFJ, for eg: I have acts of service, and touch as very high on my languages of love, I dont need to hear how much I mean to someone, SHOW me, the proof is in the pudding so to speak. But the first effort in making this work must always come from US ENTPs, we must dial it back enough to allow the INFJ to connect then as they become more used to our nature we can find that happy medium because unlike most once we connect fully they see our soul like no other. Good Luck!

MER (not verified)says...

I am an INFJ married to an ENTP and completely agree with this! At first perhaps I thought there was a lack of empathy and the debating was quite a lot for me to handle, but over time we got to know each other and I've never felt such a deep bond with someone. Sure, we still annoy each other sometimes, but that's life!

ChárlieWho (not verified)says...

As Entp, i could say i love my beautiful Infj. He´s my entire life and although he is somewhat shy and has a hard time expressing himself, I would eat the world for him. I am the shield and he, the sword. We complement each other completely and I wouldn't trade him for anyone

Just an ENTP guy (not verified)says...

I am very happy to have learned about my ENTP strengths and weaknesses, although I should've paid more attention to this throughout the years, as my ex-wife was an INFJ and it ended in utter verbal chaos. It was almost as if she knew what chord to pluck (she was a guitarist) in order to literally spark an arguement, which seems counter intuitive to an ENTP, I would tend to not start the arguements. I have INFJ tendencies around enjoying my private time, possibly because I am an only child, but overall the passion was second to none... I'd do it all over again (fml)

Random INTJ Author (not verified)says...

I am an INTJ writing a romance novel, or rather a novel that has a strong romance at it's core, as I feel that romance alone tends to make for weak stuff and needs a rich plot and good independant themes to support it or to wrap around.

It's INFJ (m) X ENTP (f) and quite young too. Involves a lot of politics. Very fun and rewarding to write.
Thanks for all the advice and ideas on how to handle the couple.
I will say, from my perspective this seems like a really good match if you are the right kind of people. Particularly in this gender variance. Though good luck finding it considering ENTP women are rare and INFJ men are literal unicorns.

Namechange (not verified)says...

I appreciate your last sentence because I am an entp female and my fiance is a info male. Thanks for sharing!

Namechange (not verified)says...

Infj*

Enjoying the rarity (not verified)says...

INFJ males are one thing but you found an INFO! Really enjoyed that typo just as I was about to get really tired of the comments.

Thanks

an ENTO male.

Entp woman (not verified)says...

I'm entp woman who's currently in the process of romance (not a couple, yet) with infj guy. Can i read the novel? Do you sell it?

AthenaDiamond (not verified)says...

As an ENTP-woman who's dating an INFJ-man, I am curious to read that novel. Where can I find it and what's its name?

Greetings

Ana

Ladybird_2021 (not verified)says...

This has been so far very helpful and I need advice mainly from INFJs to understand the situation. So I am an ENFP girl, been in long distance with an INFJ guy for months, known each other for years. We had a great chemistry and could talk for hours from politics to the most personal issues...I never had that connection with anyone else like this and he said the same! He recently acted distant, and I know he is under a bit of stress. I adjusted myself to the lowest expectation, but when he didn't even answer my call after a week, I told him that I don't really know him anymore! which he didn't say a word in response. Now I don't understand if he wants me to break the silence between us or he needs space or was it the famous door slam?!

Maxuuuuuuu (not verified)says...

Do all these articles have so much discussion or just this one lmao

Yeah this one (not verified)says...

This one is definitely really going for it lol.

Guest (not verified)says...

I am an ENTP and I am very sorry for the people who have had a bad experience with us, however I must say that beyond the personality if you are really interested in someone you do everything you can to please them and you do not want to make them feel bad, we love honesty and we We are attracted to intellectual people who can teach us new things, I am 7 years old with an ISFJ completely opposite to me and I like their constancy and I have learned to control myself before causing discomfort. Just look for people with the necessary maturity to handle a situation.

Madeline F Morgan (not verified)says...

这是如此有用的和准确的!我现在boyfriend is an ENTP, I'm an INFJ. And yes, yes, yes, all the way. This article is on point for our relationship. We met by bonding over abstract topics at work and that's still one of our favorite things to do...he keeps me trying new things/foods/etc., which is uncomfortable but good for me. The biggest challenge in our connection so far is that he has a hard time keeping plans and being consistent (fear of being "tied down"), which I interpret as him not caring about me (because my tendency is to ALWAYS keep commitments, even if I'm not into it, and to stay rigorously on schedule). I also have some nasty abandonment issues, I think. My neediness combined with his tendency to show passion and affection and commitment for a while, then pull back and go silent for a while--as abandonment. He's untinentionally hurt my feelings quite a few times because of this; I've interpreted it as him "ghosting" me and had my heart unecessarily broken (he'd call later while I was crying and holding my aching self together, totally oblivious to the fact that anything was wrong or that I'd been hurt). I think that's the main obstacle between these two types, actually, just having lived it. The INFJ needs to let go of their love of structrue and predictability and "just have fun" a little, to treat and love the ENTP as one would a cat that will come and go as it pleases. The ENTP needs to learn to offer some form of semi-consistent reassurance to the INFJ that he is coming back, that he does feel affection and is faithful for now, but that he needs his own adventure too. And being sometimes involved in the ENTP's adventure will expand, develop, and even thrill the INFJ at times (I do also love me a decent dose of spontaneity, it makes me feel like a "badass," which I ocassionally need to feel like. Driving up to the mountains at a moment's notice at 2 a.m. to watch the meteor shower and discuss the meaning of life in a sleeping bag? Terrifying, but YES please.)

Overall, having lived it, I think this IS a good match in many ways (logical thinking, philosiphizing late into the night, emotional intuition and empathy for each other, pretty open communication), but it is also an uncomfortable match in ways (he expresses that I try to "tie him down" too much, I feel like I never know if he's going to be around or not and that I can't count on him as much as I'd like, and that I'm at risk of being dumped if he grows bored). However, maybe good relationships do have to include disagreement and exposure to traits that make us uncomfortable, in order to create balance. And this is, actually, my first partner (21 years old, we met at 19), so it's been a learning experience and I don't have anything to compare it to.

ashleydawson54 (not verified)says...

INFJ here! Married to my ENTP husband for 10 years and this is spot on!

None of your business (not verified)says...

Can we please stop comparing MBTI types to Dark Triad personality traits? No MBTI type is more prone to being narcissistic. Your personal experiences are anecdotal evidence at best, and malicious slander at worst. Why do you people insist on making some MBTI types look bad?

Likewise, no MBTI type is more empathic than other types. You are not a better person if you are INFJ. You are simply different from other types, and very similar to other INFJs.

People who try to twist MBTI typing into insults, make me vomit. You lot are disgusting. That's all I had to say.

Rhysand (not verified)says...

来自一个INFJ,许多人做斗争narcissists being higher authorities as children, but I also feel that dealing with that type of person could also be what forms your personality type depending on how you deal with it as a child. As an INFJ, I was raised by a narcissist and it still affects me today. Because of this, I have to watch myself and make sure that I am not putting my parents actions into my own parental tendancies. I definetly see how we might come off as a narcissistic but I also feel like the majority of us might've had to deal with that as children and that's why, on the outside, we might come off in that way.

*(Just a theory based on some of the comments and my personal experience. Please don't take offense.)

Britta-INFJ-T (not verified)says...

I think that forums for discussion on MBTI and articles like this one have a tendency to bring out a lot of ideas that ALL INFJs or ALL ENTPs are one way or that we all struggle with the same things... but it kind of frustrates me when we try to peg each other like that and don't give grace to the fact that we are all individuals with different experiences... sigh*

I don't think I'm particularly "evolved" in that I tend to be really hard on myself and feel disconnected a lot of the time, but I do also understand that I tend to want people to care about connecting more than they do and I end up being hurt by misunderstandings or disinterest. At the same, while I am disappointed and somehow want interest in a friendship to be reciprocated, I also know that I cannot expect everyone to be as interested in me as I am in them... that would be asking too much.

As far as getting along with other types is concerned, I think for me the only defining factor is N... it seems to dictate the kinds of conversations you can have and it can be difficult to communicate with such a different mindset... in general though I don't find myself to be easily annoyed by people in general, though I can get somewhat drained if a relationship or conversation is very one-sided. I also don't tolerate it well when people are judgmental towards others--lol, I'm judgmental of judgmental people? I'm just full of contradictions... heh.

我不知道为什么INFJs往往被视为有毒或narcissistic, but I do see that I am sometimes argumentative and stubborn in wanting people to undestand where I'm coming from... to me, narcissism is when a person is very self-serving in their actions or words rather than when someone is feeling conviction about something or they don't want to be misunderstood... I would prefer that everyone get a long and listen to one another, but when it comes to social justice or principles that I have I am often unable to back down. I think that it would be wonderful to have an ENTP in my life to level me out with my seriousness as I do tend to dwell on things and get stuck in my own head (especially regarding negative thinking)... in reality, I want to let loose and have fun and take things lightly as well--some of us just aren't built for that on a regular basis (some of us have to be in the right head space)... the world outside weighs us down even if we can see the beauty in it, because we can also see the ways in which people are harmful to each other. If it makes any sense, I think my negativity comes from a place of love and wanting everyone to be good to each other--the frustration over the world not working that way often results in my negative thinking.

我希望我的伴侣能与我without getting upset at my opinionated nature or the way that I care about social justice and equality. He seems to get annoyed more than anything unless we're discussing something that he is interested in, when I am always up for discussing anything he is into. I do have other interests such as art and music, but even then he rejects everything I'm into and is never open to me introducing him to new things. It can get exhausting and lonely living with someone who doesn't seem to ever want to have a conversation with me. Not that there aren't positive sides to the relationship... but there are certainly things lacking that make me feel even more disconnected. The INFJ, I think, just wants to feel heard more than anything even if you don't agree with us.

I've also noticed that as my mental health gets worse, I test more closely to INFP and I wonder why that is... my lack of structure and motivation when I have depression getting in the way may be the reason? It's not that I don't want to have structure in my life, I just don't have the energy or self-love to put things in action these days (though I did just finish nursing school). I also have been drinking and smoking more and exercising/getting out less since COVID, which is really assisting with that decline... and it's not that I can't take responsibility for myself... it's that I am having a hard time loving myself in spite of knowing what I am doing wrong and knowing how to change it.

不管怎样,太冗长,我佛道歉r the rant... I just wish we could all accept each other as humans rather than as an MBTI type? Sensitivity and rationality can take a lot of different forms... and some of us can be sensitive and rational at the same time--I like to think that deep down I'm very rational but also very sensitive... which can get confusing for people. Ok I think I've run out of things to say... but the discussion is interesting either way. Just please try not to pigeon-hole any one "type" of person, cuz that won't lead to anything positive<3

JaredMP007 (not verified)says...

this needed to be said as well. Mbti just gives us a framework but it's whose in the mirror that separates things out, and definitely should be uniquely appreciated

EXXX (not verified)says...

I believe I'm a natural,solidENTP - even though a test now would likely place me as an ESFJ/ENFJ. When I was younger, I appeared as a solid INTP - but that was a misdiagnosis as well, because the I was just conditioned. And I don't believe the new results are accurate either, because I've learned to condition myself and moderate my thinking - probably because of my career, where I spend most of my time thinking about what different types of people would want.

But enough about that.

For romantic matchups, an ENTP can obviously go for ENTPs or INTPs. ENTPs attract each other gravitationally for obvious reasons, and I feel we're sort of easily approachable for INTPs. But the way I see it, two ENTPs aren't really built for a solid relationship. They might both be ok pursuing their own things for extended periods of time, accidentally mutually neglecting their relationship in the process. When they'll eventually "come home", whether physically or mentally, they might occasionally see the other party unavailable, feel neglected, but understand that that's what they need to do - they've done the same thing to the other partner. That's just not super healthy.

INTP,这是类似的,但更好。感觉like an INTP/ENTP pair doesn't have such a need to occasionally pursue diametrically opposed things - they're more likely to do things together, so the distance isn't such a factor. However, the final nail in the coffin for both matchups is that some things just won't get done - or will be extremely difficult to get done. Unless the pair can afford a personal secretary/concierge/butler (which the ENTPxENTP likely could and would), maintaining a stable household and long term external relations can become difficult.

In either case, problems arise because both people are sitting on the same side of the seesaw.

Which brings us to the INFJ

Which I never considered as an option. Maybe such a person could keep the real me balanced. And reading through all the posts and comments here, it sounds like most of the problems people face are non-issues that could be solved with a little more empathy.

Next time a pair comes up, I'll make a bigger effort to go for the quieter one, the one that clings to their extroverted friend. God knows how many I've probably simply overlooked.

so TL:DR; thank you all.

Brad g (not verified)says...

Full stop ENTP my partner is an INFJ. It’s really a well balanced and fun match. I try and put my debater mentality aside. Because it’s off putting to many. And they don’t understand we are just having fun and trying to win. Truly no harm intended behind it. But a matured ENTP is a great partner. We are thoughtful and lots of fun. And if some bad stuff goes down we can take the reins.

Meryem ENTP (not verified)says...

This is one of the articles, where comments are even more interesting than the article. Thank you.

To be fair, most ENTPs I met need to grow up, I realize it with myself often enough. Yet, I had the warmest, most compassionate and caring relationship with a fellow ENTP.

One of my closest friends since childhood is an INFJ. We often talk about 'the Shire'. I am Bilbo Baggins, the Hobbit that needed to leave for adventure, he is the one running the Shire, making it flourish. As teenagers we accepted who the other one is and 'help' each other for 30 years now. I make him see the upside of things, that he is not alone, remind him that his life is good, he does the same to me. Remind me of my strength of 'I can and I will', the power to follow up, care, endure.

Then, just a few years ago, I realized there is a type of people who run, when they see me, and I find that very good. They are INFJs, too. One of these creatures got at me a few years ago. She entered a group my then INTJ partner and my ESFP friend went to. They both were very gripped by her, she announced that she was going to die within 6 months of a terminal brain cancer in her 50ies. Both my friends wanted to do everything they could to make her final time as good as possible in helping wherever they could. So did many others. I got very touched by that, without ever seeing that person and felt for her deeply (I think we ENTPs feel a lot in silence, when we are alone - for others). Especially my ESFP friend wanted me to meet her. I did meet her twice. First time very polite and friendly meeting. Second time was many months later. And I told her to her face that it was rude of her not to die of her brain tumour and not even show the first sign of any disease. Then I gave her the atone-now-or-disappear stare until she disappeared, also out my friends' lives. I felt betrayed and hurt for the conartistry she performed on all those people, there was no empathy whatsoever and this was an INFJ, even by her own words. There are some like her I realized and they run for the hills, because they sense first glance I won't put up with them and see their bollocks.

我来到这里,因为最近我很热情。Having met a promising INFJ man and a new INFJ friend. The interesting man sounds like a healthy version - a bit pittying himself, very ambitious at work, very sensuous about it, too, having a lot of inner strength he can open up to and about. I see myself looking up to him, which is rare. My friend, a bit unbalanced, open, yes, unbalanced about his social hygiene and the people he lets in and the words he lets out...let's see where it all goes...

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